


I Desperately Need You

by allonsymckenzie



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Amnesia!Michael, Car Accidents, Fluff and Angst, M/M, it may make you cry from what I've been told
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-03
Updated: 2013-10-25
Packaged: 2017-12-25 13:12:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/953501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonsymckenzie/pseuds/allonsymckenzie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fate has brought best friends Michael Jones and Gavin Free together not once, but twice. But one mistake has Gavin living the lasting consequences, living with the guilt, and hoping that he can make things right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i said i'd likely change the title. :P

In the blink of an eye, it was all over. It happened so fast. Gavin barely had time to process his own body, lying upside-down in the car, glass shredding through his body, blood pouring down the right side of his face, before he laid eyes on Michael's body.

He seemed so far away, but was only mere inches. Any ounce of Gavin's strength had left his body, but still he pushed himself through the twisted metal and broken shards. Every little bit across the wreckage tore into his hands, into his chest and legs. He wanted to cry out, and maybe he did, but all he could remember was that he had to get to Michael. It wasn't going to end like this. 

Gavin had been taken separate from Michael, still ending up at the same hospital. Once his gurney was rushed through the doors, he heard a terrified scream, and his heart dropped. It was Michael; he regained consciousness before they were able to do anything for the pain. Each scream that cut through the ER tore Gavin’s heart. He wanted to call out to him, go to him, make it okay somehow, but he was forced into another room, far away from the man he loved. 

Gavin Free felt like there was nothing he could do. He prayed to whatever entity would listen, implored their mysterious power, to heal Michael and help him pull through.

It was a few days before they cleared Gavin to go home, but the only place he wanted to be was right next to Michael. The nurses and doctors warned the Brit that what he was about to see wasn’t going to be pretty, but he didn’t care.

The sight laid out on the bed in front of him nearly ripped him to shreds. Bandages on his head, his neck, casts on his left arm and leg, scrapes and bruises everywhere. It was hard enough to bare witness to simply looking on, but to be Gavin, to be the man responsible for this, it nearly killed the man then and there.

Gavin held Michael’s scraped and battered hand while he lay unconscious in the bed. Various instruments beeped and ticked away. Gavin knew everything they were telling him: The pain from the accident had coursed its way through Michael’s body so violently, his screams were so filled with pain, that there was no other choice but to sedate him. Gavin was silently grateful for it; he had just arrived at the ER when he heard his last heart wrenching, pain filled scream, before they sedated him. He wished he could have boarded the helicopter with him and been there with him the whole way. 

Gavin was at a loss for words. He just kept holding Michael’s hand, sometimes with one, often with both, squeezing it and kissing his knuckles and whispering “I’m so sorry, Micool.” with his grief-soaked accent. 

Over the weeks that Michael remained in his coma, the outlook for a full recovery became slimmer as each day passed. He was taken off of the sedative, but his body remained in the deep sleep. Gavin read his chart every time he visited, watching the steady, yet unchanging, vitals as he kept his silent prayer going. 

Michael’s room had also amassed a collection of get well memorabilia that was slowly overtaking the small room. The guys in Achievement Hunter kept receiving gifts and cards from fans, most of which decorated Michael’s room in the hope that when he wakes up, he’d see how much he was missed. What wasn’t decorating his room over flooded his desk back in the office.

Gavin’s clinical rarely allowed him time with Michael, which infuriated him. He hadn’t been able to sleep well since the accident. His words kept replaying in his mind, haunting him The few times he could see him, he always talked, telling him about his day, about his difficult patients and frustrations, and at times, broke down, always wishing they never fought, telling him how sorry he was, and wishing things were different. 

One day, while Gavin had told Michael of his most recent difficult patient, a dark headed man quietly walked in behind him. He wore dark-rimmed glasses and an Achievement Hunter jacket and was carrying another stack of cards to add to the already overwhelming mess.

“Oh.” The man said, noticing Gavin. “um, hi.”

Surprised, Gavin turned towards him. “Oh, hello.” He stood to greet the man. “I’m Gavin. Gavin Free.”

“Ray.” He took Gavin’s hand warily. “Ray Narvaez.” The two man stood in the awkward silence a moment, the steady beeping of Michael’s heart monitor the only sound in the room. 

“So,” Ray said, breaking the silence first. “Family friend?”

Gavin’s face turned in confusion a moment. He thought Michael had talked to his co-workers about him, but perhaps not. “Um, just Michael’s, yeah. We knew each other in school.”

“School? So how long have you been in America?”

“Ah, the accent gave me away, eh?” He laughed.

“A little, yeah.” Ray laughed.

“Eh, about 6-7 years.” 

“Ah.” and they stood in silence once more. Gavin ran a hand through his messy hair, yawning loudly. 

“Hey, um, no offense cause I just met you and all, but you kinda look....” Ray, ever observant, noticed Gavin seemed a bit disheveled, but he didn’t strike him to normally look so. He chose the next word carefully..well as much as he could. “Shitty. Been sleeping?”

“No, not really.” He admitted. “Between clinicals and the stress of...everything, I haven’t slept well at all.”

Ray sat the cards down on the table and began arranging them around all the stacks of cards already placed. “Well, it’s nice seeing someone else besides the guys at work here for him. His family wasn’t able to come down to Austin, and they’re pretty beat up over it.” He sat the last card in place and picked up a stuffed bear. “This was from them. They sent a lot more, but that’s all back at the office. This guy’s kinda special, from what they told us.”

Gavin took the bear from Ray. Its ears and paws were frayed, bald spots throughout, marking its age. “It looks like he’s had this since he was a child.”

“He did.” Ray paused a moment to look over at Michael. “It was given to his parents for him before he was even born. They said he just got so attached to it. He took it everywhere. They wanted him to have it, maybe it would help somehow.” Gavin turned the bear around in his hands, studying every inch, before sighing and placing it on the table next to Michael’s bed.

“That’s a bit of a gash you’ve got there.” Ray noted. Gavin had forgotten the wound marking the right side of his face until that moment.

“Oh yeah...it’s no big deal.” he laughed off. “Fell down some stairs. Wet floor.” He closed his eyes tight for a moment, trying to blink away the blinding memory of the wreck, of what really caused it. “I’m such a doughnut.”

Ray laughed. “Hey, it’s still a bit early. Wanna come and see the rest of the guys Michael works with?”

He thought a moment, looking at the sleeping Michael on the bed in front of him. “I don’t know...”

“Hey, it’s okay if you don’t wanna, but I’ve gotta say, staying here all day...it’ll take its toll on you. And you look like you have a little steam to blow off.”

“I know, I know. Fine, I’ll come for a bit. You’ll have to give me a lift, I can’t drive.” He laughed slightly, looking back down at Michael.

\--  
“Welcome, Nurse Gavino, to Rooster Teeth.” Ray held up his arms in mock celebration. Gavin looked around the office building, video game paraphernalia scattered throughout. “Achievement Hunter is where Michael and I work, down this way.” 

Walking into the office, Gavin saw the mass of cards from what he had to guess would be Michael’s desk. Across the small room, two guys were setting up mics on the desks, while the main screen of GTA IV Multiplayer sat idle on the large flat screen mounted to the wall. 

“Anything new?” one of the guys asked Ray.

“Still Sleeping fucking Beauty...poor guy.” Ray sighed. He looked up at Gavin, who looked a bit lost, and added “Oh hell, sorry Gavin. Guys, this is Gavin Free. He’s a student nurse over at the hospital and a friend of Michael’s.”

“Hello.” Gavin nodded.

“Geoff Ramsey.” The man talking to Ray offered his hand, and Gavin took it. “So, friend of Michael’s? He’s never mentioned anyone named Gavin.”

“Oh, we go kinda far back.” Gavin looked to the ground, scratching the back of his neck. “Middle of High School and all. Ages ago, you know.” Geoff nodded and went back to his work adjusting the mics.

“Gavin, you ever played Grand Theft Auto?” The second man asked. He was older than most of them, plausibly the same with Geoff, and had a rather thick orange beard. 

“I have a bit, yeah, why?”

“Xbox Live account?”

“Well, no, I don’t have one yet.” 

“Well, we need a 4th man in this. Mind playing Michael’s account?” Before he could really answer, a white Xbox controller was tossed in his direction. “It’ll be fun.”

“Um, okay. So what am I doing....uh..” He trailed off, not knowing the man’s name.

“Jack. And you’re just gonna play with us and talk into the microphone. And introduce yourself when we tell you.” Gavin had been dragged into one of the famous Achievement Hunter Let’s Plays, and was seated right in the middle, between Geoff and Ray, completely lost.

“So...just play and talk?”

“Yep, a monkey can do this.”

\---  
Gavin had little control of his character. He could barely steer the car or scooter he could find, while the guys enjoyed blowing him up, gunning him down, and running him over.

“Oh come on, stop picking on the new guy! It’s bloody confusing, these naff controls.” he yelled., the three men giving him a strange look. A few seconds passed, then Ray laughed.

“I like you. You make up words.”

They played for what seemed only a few minutes, but turned out to be hours. “Jesus, this is gonna be a lot to edit through.” Geoff laughed. “I think we forgot we were recording.”

“Gav, you should come back sometime and play again.” Ray suggested.

Gavin thought for a moment. This was the happiest he had been since the accident. And it was nice to get to know the guys close to Michael, even if they didn’t know the whole truth between the two of them. “Definitely.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin continues to worry over Michael, we see their reunion, and learn about the fate of Michael Jones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I messed with this for hours today, I hope it's okay.

Gavin had been missing his classes and clinicals, partly from either lack of sleep or lack of caring. He’d become disillusioned to the idea of being a nurse. Nothing seemed to be working for Michael, no one seemed to be helping. Isn’t that what a doctor and a nurse are supposed to do? Aren’t they supposed to take these banged up people and fix them? He saw the monitors and the IV hooked to Michael and yet they seemed to do nothing more than chain him to his bed. 

He spent most of the evening next to Michael, Ray leaving shortly after. He stood up from his chair next to Michael, brushing the man’s hair from his face. His skin was still soft and delicate, still familiar. He thought of the night he had seen Michael again, just weeks ago.

==

Gavin Free, nurse's aide, read the badge dangling from his pocket. 

"Nurse?" Michael Jones smirked. "Really?"

"Well, nurse's aide, so far. Still got about a year before I'm the real thing." Gavin smiled, taking a sip of the beer in his hand. The nurse's aide had run into Michael leaving work, Michael there for a case of carpal tunnel. It had been years since he had last seen his childhood best friend.

"They're gonna trust you around stuff that can kill people?" Michael couldn't restrain the laugh this time, nearly choking on his own beer. "Dr. Free gets to shoot people up with fucking Dr. Kevorkian drugs...if he doesn't hit himself with the needle in the process."

"I'm not a doctor, you doughnut, I'm a nurse." The words slurred in Gavin's mouth, the alcohol already playing with his speech. "It's different."

"Yeah, I know." Michael smiled and sighed. "Just...remember? In High School? Dr. Jones, Dr. Free?"

Gavin thought for a long moment, his green eyes suddenly lighting up as he recalled. "OH! YES! Oh my God, how could I forget that game!?" He laughed, nearly bouncing on his feet.

"Geez, Gavin, you act like you just won a trip to Disney World." Michael laughed. 

"Oh, God, that brings back memories." Gavin chuckled. The thought of them, years ago, crowding around the computer, haphazardly cutting away the pixelated man's ribcage, yanking out organs right and left, reminded him of how he had missed Michael, though he never thought about it.

"Yeah..." Michael sighed. He looked up at Gavin, whose eyes were suddenly fixated on the bottle in his hand. Michael couldn't keep back even the slightest of a smirk. "Hey, why don't we get out of here?"

Gavin pulled himself from his own little world, looking Michael in the eyes. He smiled. "Sure."  
==

Gavin snapped back to reality, to the battered Michael laying in the bed below. He winced at the thought of that night, and at the sight of Michael now. He squeezed Michael’s hand once more, laying the frayed and worn bear next to him, and left for home.

Sleep never came for Gavin Free that night. If it did, it was quickly interrupted with terrifying nightmares, creative rehashings of that night inside his mind. The screams Michael gave out in the hospital, the blood down their faces, arms, hands. The ripping feeling of the glass below Gavin’s hands as he tried to pull himself free and rescue Michael. 

He finally gave up the fight at 5 am, stumbling to the kitchen in search of something to fill his empty stomach. Michael filled his head, as he had been ever since he’d seen him walking out of the hospital weeks ago. He chuckled wryly at the thought, thinking fate did a bit of foreshadowing there. 

Ray had just began to wonder if Gavin moved into Michael’s room when he finally beat him there that day. He moved to the couch along the far wall and turned on the tv for background noise, not even bothering to focus on it. He waited for the news from the doctor. They had taken Michael for an MRI earlier that day, and the results were supposed to be in, and the guys sent him to find out the news.

As if on cue, Gavin walked in shortly after. His eyes looked nearly bloodshot from lack of sleep, his hair, though it looked like he tried to fix it up, was still unkempt and wild. 

“Still no sleep, man?” Ray asked.

“Tried. Didn’t really do any bloody good.” Gavin’s accent was much thicker in his sleep-deprived state.

Ray sighed and crossed the room to the wobbly legged man. “Dude, why are you taking this so hard? I mean, I know he’s your friend, and we’re all taking this hard, but you’re really letting it get to you.”

Gavin sighed, debating in his mind whether to own up to everything. “It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time.” Ray stood his ground. “I wanna know what’s going on.”

Gavin sighed, his hopes of that not being the answer dashed. “I really don’t want to get into this.”

“What’s wrong?” Ray grew concerned, watching Gavin actively avoid his gaze.

“I said I don’t wanna get into it.”

Ray thought for a moment. “Were you two...like a thing?”

Gavin’s spine grew cold, unable to judge Ray’s tone. “What of it?”

“So that’s why you’re taking it so hard.” Ray began to chuckle. “So, how long?”

“How long what?” Gavin sighed, exasperated.

“How long have you guys been a thing?”

“A few weeks, including this whole bloody mess.” He cringed slightly at his poor word choice.

“I thought Michael was acting weird.” Ray laughed again. “He was acting all...cheery, like on top of the world happy happy joy joy bullshit.”

“Really?” Gavin smiled, a bit surprised.

“Oh yeah, he was all crazy but wouldn’t say a thing about why.”

Gavin smiled, bemused. The last week leading to the accident wasn’t the sunshiniest moments of their lives, but it comforted him to know Michael was happy, at least at one point.

Michael’s doctor then entered, results in hand. He explained that Michael’s brain showed nearly normal activity, apart from a few spots that concerned him. Basically, he told the two men that it would only be a matter of time before Michael regained consciousness, and that his body merely slipped into its own coma to help repair the damage. 

Once he left, Gavin tried to contain himself. “So, he’s gonna come back?”

“That’s what he said.” Ray said, laughing slightly. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and immediately shouted “Fanfuckingtastic news, Geoff!” as he walked out of the room, leaving the two to themselves. Gavin sighed and looked to Michael in the bed beside him, whose eyes remained closed, the heart monitor beeping steadily in the silence of the room. 

“Hang in there, my little Micool,” He said, bending down to kiss his forehead. “we’re all waiting for you, my lovely little boy.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's awake?

It had been four weeks since the accident. Michael’s wounds have all nearly healed, only slight discolorations around his eyes remained, along with the slight slashes through his arms, and the countless ones across his torso. Gavin had decided to take a break from school, at least one semester. His head was a mess with all of this, and school wasn’t just taking a backseat, it was left behind altogether. 

One morning in particular, Ray constantly blew up Gavin’s phone. Over the few weeks they’ve spent together, both in the hospital and hanging around the Achievement Hunter office, they’ve become pretty close friends. But the one morning he hadn’t actually already been in the hospital, the one morning he expected to get some sleep in his system, and his phone would not stop ringing. He shuffled his hand across the table next to his bed, awkwardly pulling himself out of a deep sleep.

“ello?” he mumbled.

“Fucking about time, dude. Um, you need to get your ass down here, we’re all here and um...”

“What’s going on?” His eyes shot open, wide awake. 

“Um...Michael’s awake.”

\--  
Michael couldn’t remember how he got here. All he knew at that moment was that his head was killing him, and what’s up with all the balloons and cards everywhere? The lights shone piercingly bright in his eyes, which were slightly out of focus without his glasses. He could make out everything, but halos of brightness kept him from really looking.

He could hear voices outside the room. So many, and they sounded familiar. He wanted to call out to them and see his friends, but his throat felt like sandpaper and caught his voice every time he tried. He sighed, looking for some sort of water, but the only one he could find was across the room, and he still had so many tubes attached to him, making it impossible to move in his condition.

Outside the room, just moments later, the guys heard something crash inside the room.

“What was that?” Gavin looked into the room, seeing a plastic cup rolling across the floor, Michael looking like a pouting two year old in his bed.

“Yeah, he’s definitely awake.” Ray smirked, nudging Gavin out of the way to get a look.

Michael looked over to the door, to the two peering faces, and waved weakly, still not able to clearly distinguish who they were.

“Geoff, can we go in?” Gavin asked.

“We’re not supposed to until the doctor gets here.” Geoff sat in a chair against the wall, across from the two, Ryan a few seats one direction, Jack, the same on his opposite.

“Fucking hell man, what’s taking the prick?” Ray grumbled. “He’s fucking awake, he’s right there...”

“Hey, you think you’ve been doing a whole lot of bloody waiting?” Gavin smirked. The only one of the Achievement Hunters to know the whole story behind the two was Ray, and at that, Ray conceded.

“True, true.” 

They both moved from the door, Gavin leaning against the wall adjacent, waiting impatiently.

Finally, a man came up to the group, and they all huddled around him, waiting on his word.

“Okay, so you’re all here for Michael Jones, right?” He asked, and they all agreed.

“Okay, well, since he’s been out for a long time, we’d like to just have you all come in one at a time, just so we don’t overwhelm him.” He looked to the group, who all looked at one another, Ray nudging Gavin toward the door.

“I’ll go...that is if you guys don’t mind.” he looked around at the group, who stepped back, silently obliging him.

Taking a deep breath, Gavin stepped through the door, looking at the banged up, but still there, Michael in the bed. Seeing his soft brown eyes meeting his own put a smile on his face that he hadn’t been able to replicate the whole time the boy had been under.

Michael’s gaze was one of confusion. But when he saw one was the doctor, he dropped his questioning gaze, thinking the other may just be an intern or someone to help.

“Mr. Jones. How are you feeling?” the doctor asked, the mock-concerned tone entering his voice, making Gavin cringe on the inside. Just another disconcerting aspect of the job field he loathed as each day of these weeks ached on.

“I..” he began, but stopped as his voice wouldn’t come through. Michael looked to the blonde haired man, then down to the cup on the floor. Gavin instantly scooped it up and filled it with water.

“Here, love.” he said softly, his smile uncontrollable, then handing the glasses on the nightstand over to him.

Michael looked to him, eyebrows furrowed, placed the glasses properly on his head, then began to drink the cool liquid. Each pass of the chilled water felt like heaven in Michael’s throat, and he gulped the whole cup down in two passes.

“Thanks...” he sighed, his voice instantly clearer than before. “um...”

“Welcome, love.”

“No, um...” Michael looked to the Brit and asked simply, matter-of-factly. “Who are you?”

“It’s me, Gavin, you knob.” Gavin laughed.

“...Gavin...?” Michael trailed, hoping for a clearer answer.

“...Gavin Free, you doughnut...” Gavin grew concerned, looking to the doctor, who scribbled down something, most likely to do with this exchange. “Doc, what’s going on?”

“Let me try something. Pull Geoff in here.” He asked. Gavin popped his head out of the door, calling Geoff to come in.

When Michael’s eyes met Geoff’s, a smile split his face practically in two.

“Geoff!” he threw his arms up, then immediately back down, ribs still slightly swollen.

“Hey, Michael.” Geoff couldn’t contain his own happiness seeing the boy awake and talking, a feat they had all unfortunately had begun to rule out. Gavin looked to the two of them, confused, and spoke up.

“You remember him?” He asked.

“Yeah, dude, he’s my freaking boss.” Michael shrugged.

“And not me?”

“No. Should I?” he genuinely asked. Gavin felt light headed.

“I’m getting someone else, just one more.” he ran out the door and pulled Ray in by his arm.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Gav.” he muttered, then looked to Michael, who smiled even brighter as he saw the fellow glasses-bearing man he sat next to at work on a daily basis.

“Ray!” He seemed so happy at the sight, and it pained Gavin, sending a knife through his stomach. He feared the outcome, but he had to know.

“Doc, what’s wrong with him?” 

Several tests and scans of Michael’s brain revealed what Gavin had feared, and as he stood there, in Michael’s room days later, Michael clothed normally and sitting at the edge of the bed, the doctor began to explain what had happened.

Gavin heard the words loud and clear, and drew the conclusion before the Doctor could tell the rest: Michael’s injuries resulted in him developing Retrograde Amnesia, and can therefore not remember Gavin. Gavin could feel the chill go down his spine as his blood drained through his body. 

“Retrograde Amnesia,” The doctor’s voice came more into focus through the ringing in Gavin’s ears, “Is the inability of the brain to recall memories prior to trauma, usually from affected temporal regions inside the brain.”

“So, what does that mean?” Michael asked.

“It means there may be things, or even people, you cannot recall.”

Michael looked around the room, thinking of all the friends he had seen the past few days: Ray, Ryan, Jack, Geoff... and then stopped his gaze at the man looking right at him. His jade green eyes reflected weariness and concern, and held his gaze intently, hopefully. Michael looked away, feeling unexplainably ashamed he could not recall him at all.

“Like me.” Gavin stood there, heart cold and stomach low. “he can’t remember me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, my Doctor sucked. Whatever. :P


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's first night home.

“So, nothing whatsoever?” Ray asked. “How is that possible? You guys were friends way before he and I ever were.”

“I dunno.” Gavin mumbled, barely able to focus on the conversation. The two men sat outside the Hospital, while the rest helped Michael gather his things, preparing to finally help him go home. Gavin’s tongue felt heavy in his mouth as he tried to decide to tell Ray what happened that night. He looked back to the doors, seeing none of them in sight, and drew a deep breath. “Can I tell you something?”

“What’s up?”

“It’s about the accident, Michael’s accident.” Ray nodded his head, listening intently. “You know...he wasn’t alone.”

“You were with him.” Ray didn’t question. He knew where Gavin was going.

“Yes...” Gavin sighed. “I was the one driving.”

“Hmmm.” Ray nodded sagely. “That explains the gash down the side of your face, dude.”

“Oh yeah. Forgot about that.” Gavin ran his had absent-mindedly down the right side of his face, along the still healing line. “Yeah...that and a few glass shards ripped my bloody palms open. That’s all I got from it.” Gavin looked down at the ground, Ray still next to him, gazing thoughtfully out into the distance.

“I’m not gonna ask what happened, man. But it’s not your fault.” He said after a moment. “That’s why you looked like such crap for weeks, isn’t it?”

“Wow, thanks for that, asshole.” Gavin laughed, the bitter taste of the memories biting at his tongue. “Yeah, that’s why.”

“Man, it’s gonna be okay. Give him time. If he doesn’t remember...” Ray paused, choosing his next words carefully, “He’s gonna love the guy he meets. He’s gonna love you, Gav.”

“You’re a good friend, Ray.” Gavin nodded. “That’s what I needed to hear.”

“It’s just what I do.” He looked up to the door, the four men finally walking through. Michael held the small, frayed bear in his hands, turning it all over, stroking the worn patches of missing fur with his thumbs, a small smile on the corner of his lips. Gavin swallowed hard.

“I really hope you’re right, Ray.” 

“It’ll happen, Gav. Don’t worry.” He sprung up and ran over to meet the guys, Gavin warily trailing behind. 

“My parents sent Mogar down here?” Michael laughed, holding up the bear. “I can’t believe he’s still in one piece. Fucking bear’s nearly older than I am, I think.”

“Where’d he get that name?” Gavin asked. Michael looked up at him, blinking a few times. 

“Oh, um...just something that came to me as a kid I guess.” he mumbled. “Gavin, right?”

“Yeah...?” Gavin had a glimmer of hope in his face, the rest of the guys looking on, Ray trying not to be obvious with his own excitement.

“Okay, yeah. Just checking.” And Michael looked back down to the bear. “Can we go get something to eat? I’m fucking starving. I swear I lost like twenty pounds laying there.”

Gavin sighed and walked next to the redhead, Ray taking his other side. 

“I thought the same thing, man.” he said simply.

After grabbing a small fortune in fast food, they all returned to Michael’s apartment at about six, the place relatively untouched since the accident, only missing a few extra pieces of his clothes from his closet. Gavin looked around, having only been in the place twice before. Thankfully, they never made it here that night, so nothing triggered the memories. Just being in Michael’s home was enough to make him smile his goofy smile.

“What’s up with you, dude?” Jack asked as he pushed by Gavin.

“Oh, um. Nothing.” Gavin made a slight shake and flopped down onto the couch, curling back up within himself, protecting himself from the chill of the apartment, the winter air taking over the unused space. Michael sat next to him, slowly, wincing the whole time. “Are you okay, Michael?” Gavin asked.

“Just the cuts...and the bruises.” Michael laughed weakly, holding his left side. “That accident really tore me the fuck up.”

“Yeah...but you’re still here.” Gavin licked his lips, his mouth growing dry, his nerves flaring up as Michael sat next to him, close because of Ray occupying the third spot of the couch, but not close enough for Gavin.

“There’s a plus.” he laughed, wincing slightly once again. “Jesus Christ, this is gonna be rough.”

“You cracked a few ribs.” Gavin commented. “They’re likely still healing.”

“Oh yeah, they said you're like a nurse or something?” he asked.

“Gav here is a nursing student.” Geoff replied. “Well...was.”

“Was?”

“I took the semester off.” he said, looking down to his feet. “I need to clear my head a bit.”

“Ah.” an awkward silence filled the room. The six men looked around the room, to each other, waiting for someone to break the uncomfortable quiet.

“So, Michael...wanna play a game or something?” Ray offered.

“Yeah, sure.” Michael went to get up, but Ray pushed him back down, purposefully closer to Gavin. 

“No, you stay, I’ll get everything. Don’t worry.” Ray strode across the room to the entertainment center, scanning the rows of bright green cases for something. Michael started talking to the other guys, asking about work and about the Let’s Plays.

“Actually, Gavin here has been filling in for you on occasion.” Ryan laughed. “He’s definitely not you though.”

“He’s more of a Leroy Jenkins.” Jack added. Michael looked to the blonde whose arm his was now pressed against. 

“Really?” He laughed. “Well, Geoff, if you ever thought of replacing “Rage Quit” Jones, looks like it ain’t gonna happen.”

“I tried, you bloody idiots!” Gavin laughed, the first time the whole day. 

“Saints Row III?” Ray called from across the room.

“Ray, I can’t believe you brought your 360 with you.” Geoff sighed.

“Hey, I didn’t know what we were doing tonight, so I thought I’d be prepared.”

“So you lugged that thing around?”

“It’s not that fucking heavy.” Ray shot Geoff’s character in the head from a few feet away. “So stop bugging me about it. And plus, now four of us can play, at least.”

“Don’t mess with Ray, guys.” Michael laughed. 

The group had dissolved into the game, shooting and crashing into each other, Michael yelling and Ray yelling back as the hours passed. The only two not playing were Jack and Gavin, and while Jack laughed along with the guys and the game, Gavin had fallen asleep and absent mindedly rested his head on Michael’s shoulder.

“Gav.” Michael called, shaking his arm.

“Micool...” he mumbled.

“You’re on my fucking arm, dude.”

“I wanna be, Micool...” Michael went silent, blushing slightly.

“Dude, get off of my arm.” He dug his elbow into Gavin’s side, causing the Brit to howl and jump up in pain.

“OW! I’ve got bloody bruises there, for christ’s sake!” Gavin yelled.

“Should’ve listened to me and got your ass up.” Michael laughed. Gavin shoved the man’s shoulders, and Michael looked at him, wary at first, but then gave the slightest smirk, this small ray of hope to Gavin that maybe, just maybe, his Michael was still there.

“Jesus, guys, it’s fucking eleven.” Ray looked at his phone in surprise. 

“Fuck, we need to get going.” Geoff turned the console off and went to the door, looking back to the rest. “Gavin, need a ride?”

Gavin looked to him, then to Ray and Michael, still engrossed in his game. “Nah, I’ll get a ride with Ray. I’m having a bit of fun here.”

“Um, I’m spending the night.” Ray added in. “Wanna make sure Michael does okay.”

“I’m fucking doing fine, thanks for asking.” Michael laughed.

Gavin looked down, then back to Geoff.

“Go on ahead, Geoff. I’ll see you later.”  
\--  
Another hour had passed and Ray had passed out on the recliner across the room. The TV flickered with a late night show on mute, Gavin sprawled out on the couch across from it. Michael had went to bed in his own room, leaving the two to play the game about a half an hour prior.

Later, Gavin was awoken in a cold sweat, memories of the dream again flying through his mind. He jumped up on the small cushions, feeling his chest for his heart, his breathing rapid and ragged. He took several deep breaths before he tried to piece together where he was. The first thing he noticed was Ray, and his arms that dangled off the side of the chair. He laughed quietly, remembering that he was in Michael’s apartment, and remembering the night of friends, of accidentally sleeping on Michael, and of one of those nights he felt happy and more like himself.

His warm thoughts were cut short from the pained scream coming from down the hallway. He knew that sound; it haunted his dreams every night. Without thinking, he ran headlong down the narrow path to the dark room. The smaller man lay on the bed, his knees brought nearly to his chest, his whole body shaking as he screamed again, this time something Gavin hadn’t expected.

“Gavin!” He cried out. “Gavin!”

Gavin’s steps faltered, his knees giving out slightly as he moved onto the bed next to him.

“Michael?” he called to the frightened, trembling man, but he never responded with anything but another terrifying shriek. Gavin sighed, his own hands shaking, wanting to reach out to him and hold him, chasing away whatever haunted his sleep.

That night, Gavin Free didn’t sleep. Instead, he lay next to Michael, his arms wrapped around the man, his face close to Michael’s neck. He wished away the demons haunting him, he comforted him, telling him everything was okay, and for that night, Gavin Free felt Michael fall slack against him, melting into his body, his hands interlacing with Gavin’s, and he could at least pretend that his Michael had come back, and could only pray that he wouldn’t leave again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter's kinda short, but it's essentially a transition chapter from the first arc to the second.

“Gavin....Gavin...” he could hear his name being called through the cloud of his still sleeping mind. What wasn’t as pleasant was the collision of the pillow to his head.

“Ah, bloody hell!” he called out, quickly being hushed by the assailant.”

“Quiet, Michael’s still asleep!” Ray whispered. “And I don’t know what you plan on telling him when he wakes up and finds the two of you like this, but if you don’t have a plan for that, you might wanna get moving.”

Gavin looked to his side, where Michael lay across his left arm, sound asleep. He looked up at Ray, panicked.

“How in the bloody hell am I supposed to do that?”

“I don’t fucking know, dude, fucking slide out or something?”

Gavin looked at Ray, exasperated. “That’s a lot of bloody help.” Sighing, he slowly pulled the dead arm out from the sleeping boy, thankfully un-phasing him, and as soon as he’s clear, bolted for the door.

“What time is it?” He asked as soon as Ray shut the door behind him.

“6:30. Michael’s gonna need to get up in like an hour. Geoff wants him to come by the office.”

Gavin yawned, still trying to wake up. But Ray just kept looking at him, this odd knowing glance on his face. “What?”

“So...what were you guys up to?” the dark haired man grinned.

Ugh, Ray, it’s not like that.” Gavin sighed. “Not that I don’t want it to be, but...” he trailed off, running his hands through his disheveled hair.

“Then what happened?” his face grew serious, noting Gavin’s tone. Gavin leaned back against the wall, sighing, then began.

“I woke up in the middle of the night...and I heard screaming. Like, Michael was screaming. And I panicked and ran, like bloody sprinted down here, and he...” Ray nodded, urging him to continue. “He was all curled up on his bed, screaming. It was awful. It did my heart in, just like at the hospital...”Gavin’s eyes clenched tightly shut, blocking the memory. “But he did something different, Ray.”

“What’d he do?”

“He screamed ‘Gavin! Gavin!’” 

Ray’s look went from unchanging to shock and awe. “He said your name!?”

“Yeah, he did, but nothing else of it. The boy was just...out of it, Ray. He was terrified and I couldn’t do anything...so I just held him. I just held him and just tried to tell him things were okay and that nothing’s going to hurt him and that I promised him that...” Gavin could feel the sting at the corners of his eyes and tried to shake them away. “After the accident, I promised I wouldn’t let anything hurt him anymore...”

Ray pulled him in, patting the guy on his back. “Gavin, it’s okay. Things happen that we can’t help. It wasn’t your fault.” Gavin sighed, relaxing a moment before Ray pulled away. “You love Michael, don’t you?”

“I do, yeah.”   
“Then I know you wouldn’t intend on hurting him. Don’t beat yourself to death over it.”

“I’m working on it.”   
\---  
The three entered the Achievement Hunter office later that morning, Ray and Gavin having gone back and cleaned up from sleeping in their own clothes the night before. Michael couldn’t help but laugh at all the cards and gifts that overflowed from his desk and onto the unoccupied on next to it. Some even flowed onto Ray’s desk, who kindly shoved it back in his direction.

“Now that you’re here to get your stuff, mind getting it the fuck off my desk?” He joked.

“This is all fan stuff?” Michael asked, amazed.

“That’s just the stuff we kept back, yeah.” Jack answered. “We all thought it’d be kinda cool to have some on your desk when you came back.”

“This is fucking awesome.” Michael looked through the handmade drawings, the balloons (which have started to sag and fall but he still appreciated nonetheless), the cards and letters, amazed at the gesture. Gavin looked over the spread, in awe himself.

“Jesus...” he sighed. “Fan favorite, eh, Michael?” 

“Apparently so?” he laughed. Geoff walked in, patting Michael on the back while pulling him into a hug.

“Glad to have you back around here, Michael.”

“Thanks, Geoff.” Geoff pulled back, eyes now fixed on Gavin. “Well, Gavin, looks like Ray actually remembered to give you the message.”

“Make me look like an idiot much? Thanks, Geoff. Love you too.” Ray said flatly.  
“Oh, you know what I mean...nevermind. I wanted to talk to you, Gavin. Mind if we take this outside?”

Gavin gulped. He hadn’t known Geoff long, but from what he knew, he found the man both friendly and yet intimidating, someone that he definitely would want on his side and would regret ever being on the other side of.

Once outside, Geoff turned and looked at the Brit with a dead serious glare, arms crossed, fully in an intimidating stance. “Okay, we need to talk.”

“Yeah?” Gavin squeaked. He was nervous, and failed in trying to hide it.

“It’s about you and Michael.” Geoff began. “I want to know the whole story. I know only what I can see, and from what I can see...” he smirked slightly, Gavin’s tightly coiled nerves not slacking in the slightest, “You’ve got it bad for him. You’re pretty fucking obvious.”

“...what?” Gavin asked after a moment. “I...uh, what?”

“Hey, I’m fine with it. You’re a good guy, from what I’ve known of you the past few weeks. But look, it’s pretty fucking obvious: you were always in the hospital with him, you looked like shit the whole time he was out, even when you were here doing some of our Let’s Plays in his place, I caught you looking at his desk like every other second.” Geoff was full out laughing by that point, unable to contain it.

“Was I that bloody obvious with it?” Gavin laughed himself.

“You’re still pretty fucking obvious with it. Michael just has such a thick skull he can’t see what’s fucking two inches from his face.” 

"Yeah, but I can't just outright say what I feel about him!" Gavin's voice went up an octave as his nerves carried his voice faster than he intended.

"Well yeah, but I'd think you could do something." Geoff thought. "Talk to him or something."

“Well I don’t wanna scare the lad and say ‘Oh, you don’t remember me? I’m only your boyfriend and I only was your best friend in school years ago.” Gavin threw his arms in the air, frustrated. Geoff was still laughing.

“Well of course you don’t wanna do that. You just need to remind him who you are.” Ray walked out, curious as to what the two were talking about. “Sorry to butt in, but I’m not.”

“We’re just talking about how fucking obvious Gavin has it for Michael.”

“Oh, dude it was obvious from the minute I walked into that room that day.” Ray laughed. Gavin shot the two a pissed glare, but couldn’t hold it for very long as the two just smirked at him. He sighed, laughing a bit himself.

“Gavin, we love Michael.” Geoff said, looking to the Brit. “And we liked seeing him happy, especially before this whole mess. So if there’s anything we can do to help him remember you, we’re down.”

Gavin thought for a moment, then said with confidence, “Make me an Achievement Hunter.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ......

“Are you fucking joking, Geoff!?”

“That’s just the way it is, Michael. That’s what we all decided.”

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

“I’d change it, but even Burnie approved, and that’d be going over my head if I changed it now. Sorry.”

“I fucking hate you...it’s not funny.”

“It’s totally funny, and you know it.”

“Shut the fuck up, Ray.” Michael huffed. He had just been handed a list of upcoming Let’s Plays he is to film, and near the top: Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs.

“Make the fucking guy with the fucking head trauma and fucking amnesia play a fucking game called Amnesia! Cause that’s really funny!” The entire office had been trying to hold back their laughter, failing miserably. Ryan’s face was in his hands as he tried to avoid Michael’s glare, while Gavin, the newest Achievement Hunter, was smiling right next to Michael like a fool.

“And I’m playing with him, Geoff?” Michael asked.

“Yep, your next few games are gonna be with Gavin. He’s new, he needs a bit of help.”

It had taken Geoff and Jack a couple of weeks to convince Burnie to allow Gavin to be a part of Achievement Hunter, as others within the office complained that the random guy hanging out with them the past few weeks shouldn’t get a free pass when they’ve worked their asses off for a spot. Burnie eventually agreed to let Gavin in,demanding Geoff show that it wasn’t a mistake in judgment on either of their parts. Geoff and Gavin had then spent the two weeks Michael remained off work setting up the list of his videos themselves; Gavin picking out the first one, and Geoff following with the rest.

Gavin looked to Ray, over Michael’s shoulder, who gave two thumbs up behind his head. The Brit laughed, looking back to Michael.

“Sorry I’m a bit rusty in all of this.” He apologized to the curly haired man, who just scoffed in reply.

“Eh, we’ve all gotta start somewhere.” Michael looked back down at the list and found the most recent project to complete: Surgeon Simulator 2013. It was a Rage Quit, but still, he was stuck with Gavin.

“A two person Rage Quit, Geoff?” He questioned, Gavin biting his lip nervously next to the boy.

“It’s because of the controls; one of you takes one part, the other takes the other. Simple.”

Michael shrugged his shoulders. “Hm, might as well get started, eh, Gav?”

The blonde perked up at Michael’s nickname. “Alright, Micool.” The thick accent in his voice at Michael’s name made him laugh.

“The fucking way you say things, Gav.” he laughed.

“What about it?” Gavin was still laughing.

“’Micool.’” Michael laughed even harder. “I don’t know why but it’s so funny how you say my name.” They both laughed a few seconds more, then Gavin’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and read the message:

_He loves how you say his name..._

Gavin looked up to see Ray winking at him, then texted back.

_He definitely will be._

* * *

“GAVIN!!! Where’s the fucking heart!?” Michael screamed, Gavin was practically rolling out of his chair, the rest of the guys watching and laughing along.

“It was like a bloody magic trick!” Gavin choked out through his laughter.

“You fucking moron! You’ve always sucked at this game!” Michael’s yelling cut through the laughter filling the room, and everyone went silent in unison.

“I’ve always what...Micool?” Gavin asked, all humor drained from his face.

“You suck at this game.” Michael was cooling off from his latest “Rage Quit” rage, but the words still came out in a bit of anger.

“You said I’ve always sucked at this.” Gavin argued. “Didn’t you?”

“I said you suck at this game.” Michael shrugged, growing more confused. “What, did I say always?”

“You said always, dude.” Ray agreed, the rest of the guys nodding along in agreement.

“...where the fuck did that come from...” Michael mumbled. Gavin’s fists clenched his knees, eager to say something but knowing it wasn’t the time. “Fuck it. Must’ve just slipped out somehow? I don’t know. Let’s just try this shit again.”

After several failed attempts at bringing the John Doe to life, Doctor Jones and Doctor Free, as Michael had proclaimed them, hung up their virtural lab coats in shame.

“Jesus Christ, Gav, you just sucked shit there.” Michael laughed.

“I’m not any bloody good with most computer games.” Gavin retorted.

“Most? If that’s any example of your gaming skill...” Michael didn’t even try to finish his sentence, laughing even harder by the end of it.

“I play Minecraft, you pleb!”

“Then you’re the only one of us.” Michael was still laughing. Gavin had an idea there, one he tucked away for another time.

“I can be a bloody decent gamer....I just haven’t had the time to work on it, with school...and stuff.” Gavin’s voice lowered, thoughts coming back to him like a speeding train.

“Hey, dude...” Michael calmed himself down, walking over to the Brit, his hand on his shoulder. “Relax. So you’re shit at some of these games. So fucking what?”

“I’m utter shit at them, Micool.” Gavin mumbled. Michael sighed and grabbed the man’s hand, pulling him up from his seat.

“You’re not utter shit at them, Gavin, and you’re not utter shit period. You’re with me now.” Michael lifted Gavin’s head to meet his gaze, smiling at the taller man. “And Michael Jones isn’t gonna let someone who thinks they’re utter shit be around him. So if you wanna stick around here, you’re gonna get better, and I’m gonna help you.”

Gavin smiled, both at Michael’s words and at their close proximity. “Thank you, Micool.”

“Yo, guys...” Ray called out from the door. “We’re gonna go out for a few drinks. You guys down?”

 

* * *

 

Michael kept to just one drink for himself, wary of his still recovering head. He looked down to his arms, where faint white lines zig-zagged their way across the pale skin. He remembered more and more of the accident itself as the days passed, but nothing more than glass and screaming and pain and blood. He looked up at Gavin, who had just downed his...Jesus, his sixth shot within the hour.

“Jesus, Gav, what’s eating at you?” Michael laughed, taking a drink of the beer in front of him.

“You don’t wanna bloody begin me on that, Micool.” Gavin laughed, almost too much for no more than what he had said.

“You okay there, buddy?” Michael moved to the seat next to him, the Brit’s shoulders still shaking heavily in his drunken laughter.

“You’re bloody adorable, Micool.” Gavin mumbled onto the table. Michael pulled back slightly.

“Say what, you idiot?”

“You’re bloody adorable, you doughnut.” Gavin was in fits at this point. Ray had made his way back to the table, looking at the giggling ball of British boy next to him.

“What the fuck is up with him?”

“Man, I have no fucking clue. He’s had like way too many.” Michael laughed, finishing his drink. “I think he needs to call it a night.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right. We should probably take him back to his place.”

The three made their way across town back to Gavin’s apartment, Gavin singing nonsensically the entire way, mostly in Michael’s ear. Michael sat in the back, trying to keep the Brit upright, ignoring the obnoxious slurred lyrics and copious amount of alcohol leaking from his breath.

“Where in the hell did you find this idiot?” Michael asked, smirking, pushing the taller man back up into his own seat as he made yet another attempt at laying his head on Michael’s shoulder.

“He found us.” Ray answered simply, pulling up to the building. “You need some help?”

“Maybe? I don’t know. Depends on if he’s gonna cooperate.” And just as Michael had figured, Gavin stumbled lopsidedly across the parking lot, nearly falling flat on his big-nosed face on three separate occasions. Michael took one side of the man, Ray, the other, and they walked him up into the building. Michael fished through his pockets, between fits of laughter and “Micool stop that tickles!”, for his keys, and opened the door. Gavin took about five steps into the living room before falling flat on his face onto the couch.

“You think he’s gonna be okay?” Ray asked.

“Um...” Michael thought, before Gavin rolled off the couch, hitting his head sharply onto the table in front. “Maybe one of us should stay and keep an eye on the idiot.”

“Uh, I really need to go...” Ray started before Michael shook his head, silencing him.

“Okay, fine, I’ll do it. Since you don’t wanna help babysit your friend. But you’re gonna go get me some stuff from my place so I can at least change in the morning or something.” Ray nodded, relieved that his little plan worked. He hoped that, when he saw Gavin completely three sheets to the wind, it could lead to Michael and Gavin in the same place alone. Not well thought out, sure, but still effective.

After handing Ray his apartment key and locking him out, Michael moved the drunk over on the couch, making just enough room for him to sit and watch TV.

“Micool...” Gavin mumbled, his giggling fit finally over.

“Sleep it off, Gav.” Michael called back, not looking over to the boy.

“But Micool...” Gavin whined. “I don’t wanna sleep.”

“You just need to sleep it off, bud.” Michael sighed.

“Micool...” Gavin sat up, immediately flopping over onto Michael’s shoulder. The curly haired man looked over to his left, a mess of blonde spikes and tendrils tickling his nose.

“What, Gavin?” Gavin looked up to him, his green eyes turning a deep, nearly brownish green tone, and smiled.

“You’re my boy, Micool.” He sighed, biting his lip.

Michael laughed. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean...” Gavin sighed, and pressed his lips to Michael’s. Michael instantly jumped at the contact, pulling back.

“What in the...” Michael started, but saw the hurt look on Gavin’s face, and felt a sharp pain in his heart. He didn’t like that look. He had no idea why, but he didn’t ever want to see that look on Gavin’s face. It hurt too much to see. “I-I’m sorry, Gavin.”

“It’s fine...” Gavin sighed. Michael watched the boy curl up within himself, tucking his knees into his chest. He felt a heavy weight hit his stomach. He had no idea why, but it hurt to see Gavin hurt.

“Gavin.” Michael whispered. Gavin looked up to see Michael’s face just inches from his.

Michael felt this was the only way to fix what he did to hurt Gavin, and pressed his lips gently to the boy’s, his hand curling up and into his hair, cradling his head gently, pulling him toward his body. Gavin sighed into the kiss, his own hands working their way into Michael’s curls, tightly holding him in place. It felt so familiar, so warm and safe, this kiss. He’d missed it terribly, and his stomach did flips when Michael’s tongue pressed into his lips, which he parted instantly. The two leisurely kissed, tongues rubbing against another, hips pressing against the others, in this sudden attraction and longing finally being requited.


	7. Chapter 7

Blinding, blinding pain. His head seared with the fiery intense pain, and Gavin tried so hard to swim to the surface of consciousness, fighting through wave after wave of pain. Finally, he was able to open his eyes. First of all, the blinding light from the window didn’t help the pain at all. Second...was he in his apartment? He looked around, piecing the room together with his eyes, everything falling into place as it should. He couldn’t remember anything after the...Jesus, how many drinks did he have? The headache was complete bollocks, but otherwise he felt that was the best, hardest sleep he’d had since the accident. He went to sit up, but a weight on his stomach forced him back down. A flash of last night replayed in his mind, and his tired mind blinked back to life instantly.

He looked to his side, where Michael lay, his arm flailed over Gavin’s stomach. Gavin looked down and, nope, there’s no shirt on his own body. His eyes grew wider, his heart pounding faster. What did his drunken self manage to do? He looked carefully to Michael once more, noticing that, of course, there’s no shirt on the boy either. Oh, bollocks. Gavin slid carefully out from Michael’s arm, who retracted it back into his chest, curling up within himself. Gavin looked down, room spinning from panic more than from the hangover and, Oh thank the sweet Jesus, he was still wearing his jeans. Which didn’t exactly mean things didn’t happen but he really couldn’t picture his drunken self taking them off or even getting the bloody zipper down for the occasion and properly getting himself all back in.

He shuffled into the kitchen, looking for nothing in particular, and was greeted by a voice.

“So...fun night?”

Startled, he turned around to find Ray laying on the couch, completely nonchalant.

“Good God, what are you doing here? It’s....” he paused, not even knowing the time.

“It’s like 11 AM, dumbass.” Ray laughed. “You and sleeping beauty have been out all morning.”

“How in the bloody hell long have you been here? And how did you get in?”

“I’ve been here all night, man. I just went back to Michael’s place to get some things for him, and I come back and you were like passed out on the bed.”

Gavin thought a moment. “When did Michael...”

“Shortly after I came back. He let me in. He was like completely out of it, he was fucking tired. He said he didn’t know why, but that’s where he wanted to sleep. He said it felt...safe.” Gavin’s heart warmed at the phrase. Safe. Michael felt safe with Gavin.

“Do you think he’s...” Gavin’s voice trailed off, afraid of finishing the thought.

“Something’s happening, man. He’s piecing it all back together.” Ray couldn’t help but laugh. Gavin couldn’t help but grin, feeling like things are slowly but surely working their way back into place.

“What the fuck time is it?” Michael called from the hallway, stumbling in his still sleepy haze.

“It’s like....bloody eleven.” Gavin laughed. “We slept in.”

“Jesus...what day is it?” Michael laughed.

“Not a day we’re supposed to be anywhere, you lucky bastards.” Ray stood up. “Not in the morning anyway. I think you guys have a Let’s Play later today.”

“Oh, that fucking Amnesia one.” Michael’s face instantly turned sour. “I don’t know which of you pricks thought that would be funny, but it’s not.”

“Don’t look at me, I only picked the Surgeon game!” Gavin held his hands up in mock terror. “I swear!’

Michael punched Gavin lightly on the arm as he walked by. “Got anything decent in this place, Gav?”

“We’re better off going someplace. I haven’t really kept up with things as of late.”

“What, like food?” Michael looked over his shoulder to the Brit. “How?”

“It’s a bloody long story, Michael.” Gavin sighed. “And I’m in a pretty top mood, so it’s not really the time.” Michael looked at the boy a bit longer, curious, then resigned.

“Okay then. Ray, did you get my-” He started before his face was assaulted by a pile of clothing.

“Yep, just like you asked.” Ray laughed. “I want pizza.”

* * *

 

That evening, Michael and Gavin were back in the Achievement Hunter office, the sun beginning to set and casting the room in a soft orange glow. They had just finished setting up the mics, Michael testing the sync, Gavin spinning in his chair in boredom.

“How in the bloody hell does this game work?” Gavin asked. “Do I really need to be in it?”

“It’s probably like the fucking Surgeon game. You probably get one part of the controls and I get the other.” Michael mumbled, finishing the final tweaks. He put his headphones on, the Main menu of the game already pumping eerie music through. “Holy shit this music is fucking creepy.”

Gavin put his own headphones on, eyes widening. “Bloody hell, scary game.”

“And we’re fucking recording it at night...with no one here. Fuck.” Michael’s nerves were already shot, and the game hadn’t even started. Michael’s fists clutched his knees, and he gnawed at his lip nervously.

“Michael?” Gavin put his hand on the boy’s shoulder, only for him to startle and panic for the tiniest second.

“I don’t like this game, Gav.” he admitted. “It’s freaking me out.”

“How bad?” Gavin’s amusement in Michael’s nerves completely left his mind, focusing now on the scared boy in front of him.

“Like really fucking bad, I really don’t like this.” Michael’s breath picked up, raggedly coming from his chest. He was in a full-on panic attack from just the music, and couldn’t understand why.

“Michael...” Gavin called to the boy, waiting for him to look at him. Michael looked into Gavin’s eyes, bright green and full of concern, and cracked a smile.

“What’re you grinning at?” Gavin asked, which only made Michael’s smile even wider.

“you fucking fell for it.” he laughed. Gavin looked at the boy, confused at first, before his thoughts caught up with the situation.

“Oh, you bloody fucking knob, that was not funny!” Gavin shoved Michael’s chair, pushing him clear across the small office, Michael’s shoulders shaking in laughter.

“Would you lighten up, Gav? It’s not like I’m broken or anything just because I can’t remember...” he laughed, his head between his legs, staring down at the floor.

Two seconds later, he saw a pair of feet right between his. He looked up at Gavin staring him down, face blank.

“Come on, Michael. Let’s get this game finished.” his tone was just as blank, like someone had flipped the switch on Gavin and he’d been reset. Michael wanted to say something, but couldn’t find the words.

“Okay, Gav.”

“Okay, I really didn’t like that.” Michael admitted after turning off the recording. “That was fucking scary.”

“What in the bloody blazes was that thing walking around?” Gavin asked, a bit astonished. “That was some bloody psycho...”

“Gavin?” Michael asked, his voice more quiet than normal.

“Yes, Michael?”

“I’ve been wondering...what happened to you?”

Gavin looked confused. “What do you mean, what happened?”

“You said you hadn’t kept your place up lately. You’ve got this fucking gash on the side of your head.” he gestured to the long, deep red line running from Gavin’s temple to the base of his head. “What happened?”

Gavin sighed, not sure where to go with this. “I was in an accident. It was my mistake. I stopped dead center of the road at an intersection and didn’t see the oncoming semi.”

Michael’s eyes widened slightly, his mouth agape just a bit. “Shit. Why’d you stop?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Michael.” Gavin’s tone grew deep, almost sorrowful. Michael reached out to the boy, resting his hand on his shoulder.

“Okay, I get it. Just...whenever you wanna talk about it, you know where to find me.”  
\---  
Michael didn’t want to let the conversation go, but Gavin seemed to shut down whenever the topic came up, making it nearly impossible. After a few days, Michael had seemed to let it die, for which Gavin was grateful.

But when about a dozen recordings and Michael nearly giving up on teaching Gavin how to do the most basic of editing had passed, he asked Gavin out of the blue “Hey, um, you wanna get something to eat?”

“Hm?” Gavin replied, only half paying attention.

“Go out for like lunch or some shit?” Michael asked again.

“Um...sure?” Gavin laughed a bit, thrown off by the sudden proposal.

Michael knew Gavin was still tense around him, almost like he had forgotten about that night at his place. Michael knew there was as story he desperately wanted to tell, and he was going to force it out of him if it came down to it.

The two sat at the table outside of the office, having scored some pizza from a place nearby. Michael pulled out a couple of beers, to Gavin’s surprise.

“We can drink a little bit at lunch, Gav.” He laughed, tossing one over to him.

“I’m not a big afternoon drinker.” Gavin replied.

“It’s just one. It’s not a huge deal, Gav.” The brit sighed and took a long sip from the bottle.

“So, why this sudden interest in a date, huh, Michael?” he prodded, a smile pricking the corners of his mouth.

“I just wanted to get to know you, Gavin.” Michael laughed. “What, you think there’s some ulterior motive going on? Like I’m plotting to poison that slice you’re holding or something?”

“Well not that, obviously. It’s just...” Gavin trailed off, avoiding the words he wanted to come out.

“Just what?” Michael prodded, blowing at the hot cheese before taking half the slice in his mouth.

“Ah, nothing.” Gavin shrugged, trying to blow past the awkwardness. “What’d you want to know?”

Michael swallowed the molten mess in his mouth and said “Well, I mean why you’re here. Like, you’re very obviously British. I’m just curious.”

Gavin sighed, his tone grew serious “If you must know, my parents were killed in an accident a few years ago. About seven, actually.”

“Oh...” Michael trailed, looking up at Gavin. “I’m so sorry.”

“The closest living relative was my great aunt Shiela who moved here to Texas back in the 1960s. But she died just a couple of years later. I had started school by that point so my student visa let me stay.”

“Did you have anyone in England? Like any friends or whatever?”

“Just my best mate, Dan. But he’s been busy with his cinematography classes.”

“hmmm.” Michael mumbled, putting down the slice. “So, the gash...”

“Michael...” Gavin warned, but Michael crossed his arms over his chest and damnit, it was fucking cute to him when he had all of his curls and looked pissed off. He sighed. “I was in an accident...sort of similar to yours.” Gavin lied.

“What did it?” he asked.

“Doctors said it was likely a piece of the metal frame I might have landed on.” He looked over to Michael, meeting his gaze for what was possibly the first time in a few days. “But yeah, it’s not a huge deal, Michael.”

“Well, I care about you, and clearly it’s bothering you.” Gavin visibly gulped at the words and smiled.

“You do?”

“Yeah. I mean we’ve known each other for like i don’t know, a couple of months? And you’re a pretty cool guy, and I don’t wanna see you suffer.” Michael’s voice began to trail off in the end, looking away.

“My problems aren’t yours to bear, Michael.” Gavin insisted, trying to meet Michael’s gaze once again.

“Neither are mine, Gavin. And clearly you’ve been trying to do that exact fucking thing.” Michael countered. “I really care about you.”

Michael’s hand lay on the table, unoccupied, and Gavin willed up the courage to reach for it, Michael smiling and gripping at Gavin’s fingers.

“We make a hell of a team.” Gavin laughed.  
“Fucking explosive team.” Michael added.  
“Nice team...Team Nice Dynamite.” Gavin joked.  
“Team Nice Dynamite.” Michael smiled.

* * *

  
After the day’s work came to an end, Gavin invited himself over to Michael’s, Michael accepting with no hesitation. Gavin walked through Michael’s apartment, looking at nothing in particular, just remembering the few times he had been there before: the two times before the accident, and that night that Michael’s nightmares kept Gavin awake the whole night, soothing him back to sleep.

“Michael...” He called out to the boy, who sat back in the living room, playing around on the Xbox.

“Yeah?”

“I was curious...” Gavin grew the courage to pick up the very familiar bear, the one that he’d hidden his knowledge of, and brought it to the front room. “You know, I had a friend who had a bear a lot like Mogar.”

“Yeah?” Michael answered, only paying half as much attention to the brit.

“Yeah. He was a very special friend, my friend.” Gavin laughed, stroking the worn fur on the bear’s chest, revealing a haphazardly sewn line, bright red, through the light tan of the bear. “Had him everywhere. In his bag at school even.”

“So? A lot of people carry odd things that make them feel happy.” Michael retorted.

“Isn’t that odd though? Like a 17 year old boy carrying a bloody teddy around with him?”

Michael sat his controller down and took three long strides to cross the room to Gavin, taking Mogar away from him. “Not if Mogar is a fucking awesome guy.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” Gavin held his hands up.

“You had a friend who carried one with him?” Michael mumbled, looking the bear over for any more damage, as if Gavin had held him hostage.

“yeah, he loved that bear.” Gavin sat on the floor in front of the couch, picking up the controller and setting it aside, gesturing Michael to sit by him.

“Well, bears are fucking awesome. Your friend had good taste.”

“My friend was top. Absolute top.” Gavin recalled Michael in high school, hoping his reminiscence would help the boy along. “He helped me along school when I first moved here. I mean, other than my 76 year old great auntie, I had no one here. I didn’t belong to anything. I was this bloody gangly little twink.” Gavin laughed at the thought, then continued. “I don’t know why he thought I would be a good mate, but hey, things happen.”

“He was special to you, huh?” Michael’s tone changed, more questioning, wary.

“He was top. I hope I get to see him again someday.” Gavin sighed, smiling, looking down at his hands in his lap. He yawned. “Mind if I go crash for a bit before we play? I’m a bit knackered.”

“No, go ahead.” Michael mumbled, focusing on the bear again as Gavin left the room. Something was clicking in Michael’s mind, and he knew it had to do with Mogar.

Mogar.

The red string.

Who was the idiot who tried to fix him with red fucking stri-

Michael’s eyes shot wide open. “Gavin fucking Free!” He yelled. Gavin had just fallen asleep when he heard his name called out so loudly. He ran headlong down the hallway, fearing Michael having a breakdown of some sort, only to find Michael standing there, smirking, holding back his excitement.

“What is it, Micool?” He mumbled, still panicked.

“You fucking mong, why didn’t you fucking just fucking tell me who you are!?” Michael yelled, Rage Quit style, but the smile on his face betrayed the rage and he threw his arms around the blonde. Gavin was taken aback, not sure if he was dreaming.

“You remember?” He gasped.

“I remember you, you idiot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for how long this took! So sorry!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally learn about what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italicized portions are flashbacks to Michael and Gavin from years ago. Get used to it: there's gonna be quite a few in the next chapter or two.

_“What in the hell did you do!?” Michael furiously ripped the bear from Gavin’s hand, the stuffing falling from his chest and all over the floor of Michael’s room._   
  
_“He just got bloody caught! I didn’t mean to rip him apart!” Gavin tried to defend himself from Michael’s rage, knowing Mogar was the one posession that meant so much to him, possibly more than life itself._   
  
_“He’s fucking 16 years old, Gav! You can’t go fucking dragging him all about!” Michael laid the bear on the bed and punched the pillow next to it. “He’s about to fucking fall apart just sitting around, doesn’t help the fact you fucking caught him on the fucking door handle!”_   
  
_“I was just holding him! I didn’t know he had the hole in his chest to begin with!”_   
  
_“Well now he’s fucking got a giant fucking gash on his chest!” Michael was beyond what Gavin’s words could fix. He was full on rage filled and Gavin knew that any attempt to calm his friend down would be in vain. He sat on the bed, looking to the half deflated bear._   
  
_“I’m sorry, Michael.” He said in a low tone, not looking the boy in the eye._   
  
_“Fuck....” Michael replied, pissed beyond words. He walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Gavin, alone in the room, gently picked up the bear and the stuffing on the floor, looking the mess over. He sighed, looking at the pile with determination, and threw the whole thing into his backpack._   
  
_“Michael, I’m just gonna go home.” He called out to the living room, where Michael sat, staring at the show on the tv but not really watching anything. “I’ll call you later.” Michael said nothing as the boy made his way out the door._   
  


* * *

  
“Two fucking hours. And they won’t pick up their fucking phone.” Geoff was livid. Gavin and Michael were late and completely ignoring any attempt at contact. “And you said they left together?”  
  
“They left at the same time, anyway. I didn’t hear what they said.” Ray answered. “I had my headphones on.”  
  
Geoff stared at his phone, dialing Michael for the tenth time. “It was Michael and Gavin’s fucking idea to play Minecraft, so we fucking set the whole day off for Minecraft, and they can’t even fucking show.”  
  
“$10 says something happened.” Jack chimed in.  
  
“I second that.” Ryan added.  
  
“Okay, I see your $10, and I say $20 says...” Ray paused, wanting to top Jack’s bet. “$20 says Michael remembered Gavin and they’re off making up for lost time.”  
  
“Jesus fucking Christ, I didn’t need to have that in my head.” Geoff groaned, hanging up the phone yet again.  
  
“You’re on.” Jack agreed, and the two shook hands and sealed the bet.  
  
Just a few minutes later, the two MIA boys come walking through the door, Gavin shoving Michael playfully and Michael barely containing his excitement.  
  
“Yet another fun night, Mavin?” Ray joked.  
  
“What the fuck is Mavin?” Michael laughed, sitting down at his seat. Before Ray could explain, however, Geoff was already staring down the two.  
  
“Mind fucking telling me what took so goddamn long to show up?” Geoff asked, trying to remain level headed.  
  
“Um...” Gavin started, then looked to Michael, and smiled. “Well...something happened last night.”  
  
Ryan and Ray hand Jack each a $10 bill in the background while Geoff waited for Gavin to continue.  
  
“And um...Michael?” Gavin kept smiling that goofy smile, looking at the boy. “Wanna tell ‘em?”  
  
“Okay, um...” Michael started, standing up and looking each guy dead in the eye. “Mind telling me why you guys couldn’t just fucking tell me who Gavin was?”  
  
“What do you mean?” Ray smirked, looking at the two gents, raising an eyebrow.  
  
“Couldn’t fucking tell me that Gavin’s like, i don’t know, my fucking friend from like years ago? Let alone the fact that he’s my boyfriend?”   
  
“Gavin didn’t wanna scare you.” said Ray, stuffing the money quickly in his pocket.  
  
“What about that was gonna scare me?”   
  
“I just...” Gavin began, not sure how to put it. “I-”  
  
“Okay, just save it for later. We’re already running late because of you guys.” Geoff interrupted. “Your mics are set up. Sign in and we’ll get started.”  
  
“So what’s the idea for this Let’s Play?” Jack asked.  
  
“I’m taking the lead on this one, actually.” Gavin spoke up, signing into his new Xbox account. “The challenge is pretty simple, guys: Survive the night.”  
  


* * *

  
Screaming ripped throughout the small office, controllers being slammed, chairs moving hurriedly about the room as every single guy managed to become violently enraged with Gavin, Michael included. The Brit sat in his corner, barely able to keep in his seat as he watched the lava flow over the floor of the house in Minecraft.  
  
“Gavin, what in the fuck!?” Geoff yelled.   
  
“You fuck!” Michael yelled, pushing Gavin from his seat.  
  
“That’s exactly what I hoped it would be!” Gavin screamed out in his fits of laughter.  
  
“What, that we’re gonna fucking die?” Ray laughed, though not throughly amused.  
  
“That you bloody plebs would get all bent out of shape. Fucking worth it!” Michael jumped and dove onto the boy, cries of “Michael NO” ringing throughout the room.  
  
“It doesn’t fucking help he’s played the fucking PC version.” Michael grumbled, still rolling on top of the boy.  
  
“But it’s Xbox! I’m no bloody good on Xbox!” Gavin countered, muffled by Michael’s hand over his mouth.  
  
“You fucking knew enough to mine iron, make a fucking bucket, find lava, and fucking take it back and pour it over my fucking bed!” Michael’s rage started to fade into laughter as Gavin rolled his hips and pinned him to the floor.  
  
“Okay, so I know a bit about it.” Gavin smirked, Michael looking up at the boy. The room fell silent. Michael’s hands rested on Gavin’s hips, Gavin’s hands pinning Michael’s arms to the floor.   
  
“Um...should we leave?” Ray asked, looking everywhere but the floor.   
  
“Okay, guys, seriously, if you’re gonna fuck, do it on your own damn time.” Geoff urged. “Frankly, I don’t care what you guys do, but I don’t wanna see it.”  
  


* * *

  
“Gavin?” Michael called over as the day wound down.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“I wanted to talk to you about something.”  
  
Gavin turned away from his computer, waving at Ryan as he left, leaving the two alone. “Sure, what’d you need?”  
  
“What happened? You know, like, to me?”  
  
“What happened?” Gavin repeated, not following.  
  
“What happened to me that got me in the hospital?”  
  
Gavin swallowed hard, the sizable lump instantly forming in his throat. “You don’t remember that night?”  
  
Michael nervously rubbed his fist in his hand, recalling the flashes of memories. “I remember...pain. I remember a lot of fucking pain. And screaming. But I can’t remember why it all happened, or how.”  
  
Gavin sighed, standing up from his chair. “I guess it’s time you knew then. It’s not fair for you to not know the whole of it, I suppose.”  
  
\--  
 _“Michael, bloody pick up your phone.” Gavin sighed into the receiver, the phone endlessly ringing. “Cocking idiot probably doesn’t realize Mogar is gone.” He slammed the phone down, yet another attempt at calling him proving useless. He picked up the mound of fluff and fur, carefully stuffing the bits in piece by piece._  
  
 _Michael meant a great deal to Gavin. Gavin didn’t have any friends once he moved to Texas, and his accent didn’t make things any easier on him. He was grateful for the fact that he was sat next to Michael in his first class, and that the guy had been nice enough to actually talk to him, so when he nearly obliterated Mogar, it really did him in._  
  
 _“Bloody bear. He’s all lumpy.” Gavin groaned, removing the stuffing and starting from scratch. “I swear if I didn’t love the bloody cocking idiot, I wouldn’t be doing this all bloody night.”_  
  


* * *

  
The two sat on the floor of the Achievement Hunter office, having finished up their work for the day. Gavin took a drink from his soda, mentally preparing himself to recount everything.  
  
“Gavin...you were in the same accident, weren’t you?” Michael asked.  
  
“I was, yeah. But since you couldn’t remember anything about me, I didn’t want to scare you.”  
  
“I’m not a fucking porcelain doll, you idiot.” Michael scoffed. “It’s not like that’s gonna freak me out.”  
  
“It would’ve when you couldn’t remember me. Believe me, Michael, I’ve learned all of this over the years. It was better to approach it the way we did. You remember me now, that’s all that matters about that.”   
  
“Okay, so can we get on with this? I’m fucking tired.”  
  
“Okay then.” He began. “It was about four months ago. We’d been dating just a couple of weeks, after meeting at the hospital I had my clinicals. Things weren’t going the best for us, I’ll admit. Mainly on my end.” Gavin sighed, looking up at Michael, who hung on his word.  
  
  
“Go on.”  
  
  
“And, I don’t know, I was in this bloody awful mood that night. We went out to this bar, and I just started drinking, and I just wanted to block all my bloody nagging thoughts. And you were just quiet.” Gavin stopped, already wishing he didn’t start this conversation.  
  
  
“What happened after that?” Michael asked, his voice full of curiosity.  
  
  
“It just got worse. I was a mess. I just...I wanted so badly to rip your bloody head from your body.” Gavin laughed a wry, bitter, cold laugh.  
  
  
“What in the hell possessed you to do that?” Michael laughed, uneasily.  
  
  
“Because you were just...you.” Gavin shrugged his shoulders, unsure of how to make it any clearer.  
  
  
“What does that mean?”  
  
  
“I mean, You’re Michael. And I’m just...Gavin.” He looked at his hands, avoiding Michael’s curious gaze.  
  
  
“Yeah...?”  
  
  
“And...I’m not good enough for you.”  
  
  
Michael leaned over and embraced him, the Brit instantly melting into Michael’s caress. “Don’t fucking say that, Gav.”  
  
  
“I’m not. I wasn’t when I met you, I wasn’t four bloody months ago, and I’m not now.”  
  
  
“Stop fucking telling yourself you’re not.” He pulled the boy away, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “You’re fucking good enough for anyone you want. So don’t give yourself this fucking attitude that you’re nothing.”  
  
  
“Michael, you didn’t let me finish the story.”  
  
  
“Well then talk.” Gavin pulled away from Michael, pulling his legs up in front of him and embracing them, resting his chin on his knees.   
  
  
“It was about, I think, 2:30 in the morning when we finally left. You were pretty dizzy, though you didn’t have near the amount I did. We had an argument over who was gonna take us home, and then...” he laughed a little, a bit of color returning to his face. “And then you puked on the side of the road and said ‘Okay, Gavs. I think I’m fine to drive.’ And then immediately fell flat on your face. So, in the dumb stupid state I was in, I thought, well, we were like about 10 minutes from your bloody apartment, and it was a straight drive, so I figured we’d be fine.”  
  
  
  
“Don’t tell me....” Michael started, but Gavin stopped him with a simple look.  
  
  
  
“Of course I did. And we were there. We’d made it without a scratch.”  
  
  
  
Michael furrowed his brow. “Then what happened?”  
  
  
“You were passed out in the front seat. I couldn’t wake you. You didn’t have your belt on, you complained that it choked you when I tried to help you put it on.” Gavin began to recall the details on autopilot, his face blank, unreadable. “And I thought, like a dumb, that I needed some things from my place if I was gonna stay, which was about another 15 minutes away.  It was hard to focus by about the tenth minute of driving down the highway. My eyes became heavy and hard to keep open. I couldn’t stay focus to...well, to save my life. Colors began to meld into each other. Red, yellow, green, they were all the same bloody thing. I didn’t see it coming.  
  
  
“The truck hit your side of the car, pretty much right in the middle. They said we flipped about a good three times. The roof of the car caved in and trapped me in, and the metal ripped across my face here. But you...” Gavin paused, wincing at the thought. “You were thrown out and landed about ten feet from me. On your head, the left temple. I could see you lying there, it looked like you were right in front of me. I tried to crawl but just sliced myself on all the glass and metal. Got out of the whole thing with gashes from the glass all over my torso and hands and arms...” he paused, taking a deep breath, Michael’s face unreadable. “a few bruised ribs. But you...well, you know what you came out with.”  
  
  
“You fucking had us home.” Michael replied, his tone even, calm, but rising with anger in each word he spoke. “You had us home and for some fucking reason you thought in your fucking head that, even though you’re shitfaced, let’s fucking go off down the fucking road when I can’t even fucking see it? Who the fuck does that, Gavin?”  
  
  
“Michael...” Gavin began to speak, but the boy had pulled him up to his feet, his face even with Michael’s eyes, narrowed and filled with contempt.  
  
  
“Don’t fucking ‘Michael’ me when it was your fucking fault I almost died!”  
  
  
“But Michael-”  
  
  
“You almost fucking killed me because you had that stupid fucking lapse of judgment!? I got fucking ejected from a fucking car and landed on my fucking head!? All because you had it in your fucking head that you needed whatever it fucking was!? And you were too fucking lost to the fucking alcohol in your fucking body to be able to drive, but no, what a wonderful fucking idea, Gavin!” Unable to contain his rage any longer, Michael punched the Brit square in the jaw, sending him reeling back.  
  
  
“Michael!” Gavin called back, cradling where Michael’s fist had landed.  
  
  
“Don’t fucking talk to me.” Michael turned to leave the office. “I need some time. You might wanna go find somewhere else to be at work. I don’t wanna be fucking sitting next to you.” The door slammed behind him, leaving Gavin alone in the room with the demon he’d been holding back finally hanging in the air, and just as he figured, changing everything.  
  


* * *

  
_“Bloody flipping red string....how is that all I could find...” Gavin mumbled quietly to himself, pulling the delicate thread through the worn fabric of Mogar, haphazardly zig-zagging across its chest. Gavin was exhausted, staying up late trying to find the right color to fix Mogar with, but eventually caving and grabbing the red string, the only one he could find in the house. He knew Michael was furious with him, ignoring the calls he tried to make earlier. He knew he’d be even more furious when he realized Mogar was missing, but this was for the best. “This looks bloody awful...” He finally closed the stitch, the hatched line running from the base of the bear’s neck down to just below where his heart would be. “Probably a good thing I’m going to be a nurse and not a surgeon.” He laughed quietly to himself, cutting the thread and putting the bear carefully back inside his bag. “Maybe Michael’s right about me: I suck.”_   
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...I don't know what to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember: Italicized portions are flashbacks.

“Gav...” someone called out to Gavin, but he couldn’t tell who. He couldn’t really be brought to care. His own thoughts occupied his body, and whatever task was at hand, he frankly couldn’t give a shit.  
  
“Gav...” they called again. He remained un-stirring, staring at the tv in front of him but not registering the action happening on the screen. The controller felt a massive weight in his hand, his brain unable to relay the message to his hands to move.  
  
“Gavin!” A sharp blow to the side of his head snapped him back into reality. He looked to the side he was assaulted on and saw Ray standing there, controller in his own hand, a concerned look on his face.  
  
“What?” Gavin cried out, head still ringing from Ray’s slap.  
  
“Finally back on fucking Earth, dude?” he laughed, his face showing no amusement.  
  
“I just...I don’t know.” The tone of his voice was meek, lifeless. It had been a few weeks since Michael learned about the accident, and he’d just began to calm down and actually speak to Gavin, but the damage was done, and Gavin didn’t feel there was anything he could do to fix what was broken. He spaced during the current GTA IV Let’s Play, allowing every other Achievement Hunter to glack, blip, and absolutely muller him, all without his normal howling reaction both the guys and fans have grown used to.  
  
“Gav, talk.” Ray pulled the boy from his chair, the other guys dismissing them, Geoff calling out “Make it quick, his dicking around’s fucking with our filming.”  
  
Ray kept a hold of his arm until they were out of the building, then promptly shoving him aside, looking him dead in the eyes. “What in the fuck is going on in that thick British head of yours?”  
  
“I...” Gavin began, but just couldn’t put into words the problem at hand.   
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“It’s nothing.” he finally admitted, dismissing further comment as he walked back in. Ray pulled at his arm, turning him around again.  
  
“It’s not fucking nothing if all you do all fucking day is sit around and stare at nothing.” Ray kept his grip firm on Gavin’s arm. He tried to meet the boy’s eyes, Gavin’s head dodging every attempt. Ray sighed. “Is it Michael?”  
  
Gavin scoffed, a wry and scathing tone emerging. “Because all my bloody fucking life revolves around Michael.” He pulled away from Ray, finally meeting his gaze with burning eyes. “Because whatever problem I could possibly have is because of the bloody knob!”  
  
“Gav, come on.” Ray held up his hands in surrender, admittedly afraid of Gavin’s newfound rage. “I just wanna know what’s going on that’s got you all..like this.”  
  
Gavin sighed, running his fingers through the mess of hair on top of his head. “It’s Michael, yeah. I’m just...I can’t talk about it. Not now. Not with you, no offense.”  
  
“Anyone you could talk to about it?” he offered.  
  
“I’ll do it later, don’t worry.” He kicked at the ground beneath his feet, looking back up at Ray. “Thanks, though.”  
  
Later, Gavin reached out at the end of the day to Geoff passing by, stopping him in his step. “Mind if I speak with you a moment before you leave?”  
  
“What’s up?”  
  
Gavin looked over to Michael, who was wrapped up in editing his latest Rage Quit, completely dead to the world around him. “Take it outside, yeah?”  
  
“I’ve been wondering what’s been in your fucking head.” Geoff laughed, walking out of the office with Gavin. “What’s up?”

* * *

 

“That the only way to fix it?” Geoff asked, having heard Gavin’s story.  
  
“It’s the way I wanna do it, yeah.”   
  
“No other way around this?”  
  
“There’s nothing more I can do about it, Geoff.” Gavin sighed, looking back to the building. “I’ve already planed it out and it’s final.”  
  
“Does he know?”  
  
“Not yet. I don’t know if I really wanna tell him, to be bloody honest.”  
  
“Well, you have to. Sometime. And probably fucking soon. Since you’re leaving...tonight, right?”  
  
“Yeah.” He sighed. “I tell you, it’s gonna be hard to leave you guys.” Gavin laughed uneasily, his voice cracking just slightly.   
  
“Yeah, but, you need the space, and maybe it’ll teach Michael what he needs to know not having you around.” Gavin bit his lip, avoiding Geoff’s gaze. “Go talk to him, you know you wanna.” Geoff passed him, clapping him on the back in support, before leaving.  
  
He entered the office to find it completely empty, Michael having left while he and Geoff were talking outside. Gavin fought with himself in his own mind, arguing between whether to find Michael and tell him, or to just simply grab his things and leave without a word. Yeah, that would be the best, he decided.  
  
Gavin sat down at his desk in the corner, grabbing the backpack he’d placed under his desk that morning and began to add the contents of his desk into the bag. All the little things that had grown over the worn and broken thing: the little creeper figurine, matching Michael’s banjo kazooie bear he aptly named Mogar and Ray’s Tuxedo Mask. The nametag reading his Xbox gamertag: GavinoFree. The Dynamite block, reminding him of Michael’s teaming up with him, the formation of Team Nice Dynamite that day, months ago.  
  
“Gav, what’re you doing?”He heard Michael call from behind.  
  
Gavin’s stomach dropped. “Packing.” he said matter-of-fact, eyes stinging a bit looking at the items.  
  
“Why the fuck are you packing?” Michael laughed, confused.  
  
“Nothing to upset you over, love.” Gavin swallowed hard, standing and scanning the desk for any remaining items he’d want to take.  
  
“Seriously, Gav, what’re you doing?” Michael tried to get the boy’s attention, Gavin actively avoiding his gaze.  
  
“I said it’s nothing. I don’t wanna upset you over it.” He looked up at the boy, brown eyes full of concern, reflecting the Michael he knew before the rage, before the betrayal Michael felt over Gavin’s intoxicated lack of judgment. Gavin blinked and felt the trail fall from one eye, scoffing at the ludicrous display.  
  
“Well great fucking job with that, Gavin, because you’ve done exactly that.” He grabbed at Gavin’s arm and pulled him close. “Now stop beating around the fucking bush. What’s going on?”   
  
Unable to contain himself any longer, Gavin yelled “I’m a bloody knob, that’s what!” ,fighting the feeling of tears at the edge. “I fucking almost killed you, I spent all my bloody time praying that you’d come back and that you’d be okay because I’m such a dumb, and now, even after you’ve rightfully chastised me over my idiocy, I still manage to bollocks things up and now I’m leaving for England tonight.”  
  
Michael’s grip loosened, stunned. “What?”  
  
“I’m leaving, Michael.” Gavin repeated, his voice trembling.  
  
“But why England?” his voice remained calm, even, stunned from the blow.  
  
“Because it’s the only other place I can go. I quit school to work here with you, and now I can’t stand to be in the same room. I’ve got something lined up with my friend Dan over there, so I’ll be fine.”  
  
“Gavin, come on, you’re being fucking ridiculous-”  
  
“No I’m not, Michael, and you know it. It took you bloody weeks to even look in my direction. I don’t know how many times I can apologize for my mistake before it loses all meaning.” He sighed and picked up the bag, turning out of Michael’s grip to leave.  
  
“Gavin!” Michael yelled, finally getting the boy to stop. “Come on, stop being fucking stupid!”  
  
Gavin sighed. He didn’t even bother to turn around. “Michael, I’ve made up my mind, and I’ve got the bloody ticket. I’m leaving. If you want to talk this out, give me a ride.”

* * *

  
_“So how long are you going to be away?” Gavin asked, looking down at the floor of the terminal._   
  
_“I have no clue.” Michael replied, doing the same. “Months, maybe longer.” Michael’s family had been called to New Jersey, where a family emergency forced them back. Michael hadn’t been in Jersey in the greater part of five years, Texas becoming more like home. If he were able to, he’d stay, but things just couldn’t work out in his favor._   
  
_“Oh, you forgot something at my house last night...” Gavin reached into the backpack he carried, retrieving the patched Mogar. “Bloody doughnut.”_   
  
_“Oh, hey, thanks.” Michael sighed, relieved. “I couldn’t find him anywhere.” He looked up to the gate, his family checking through, waving to him, urging him to wrap it up and move. He held up a finger, telling them to wait, and turned back to Gavin. “I’m still not happy you fixed him with red string.” he laughed._   
  
_“It’s all I could bloody find! At least he’s still in one piece.”_   
  
_“Yeah. Thanks for that...I guess.” He looked the bear over once more, tracing the red line with his finger, down the side of the bear’s neck and over his chest._   
  
_“It’s the least I could do.” Gavin admitted. “You...you sort of fixed me. I was a broken bloody mess when I came over here, and you took a chance on the new kid. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to show how much I appreciate that and how grateful I am that you even-”_   
  
_“Whoa, Gav, calm down!” Michael laughed, cutting him off. “It’s fine. It’s the least I could do, too. I moved here when I was 12,and no one gave a shit to try and make friends with me, so it was nothing to be friends with you. It feels like shit when no one cares enough to get to know you.”_   
  
_“I’m glad you gave enough.” Gavin smiled. They both looked at each other a moment, Michael’s family calling for him once more, Michael once more brushing them off. Gavin swallowed hard. “Michael.” he stepped closer to the boy, wrapping his arms around him. “I’m really gonna miss you.”_   
  
_“I’m gonna miss you too, Gav.” Michael wrapped his arms around him in earnest, holding the boy close. “I don’t wanna fucking go, but I can’t stay here alone.”_   
  
_“I know. You have to go with your family.” Gavin pulled back, looking down at him. He licked his lip in anticipation, his hands still on Michael’s shoulders. Taking a deep breath, and praying a silent prayer, he chanced a soft, small kiss on Michael’s lips._   
  
_Michael’s breath came sharp, startled. Gavin remained still, save his trembling hands on his shoulders. Michael sighed, his stomach turning backflips, and pressed back. Gavin, relieved of Michael’s acceptance, carded his hand through Michael’s curly mess of hair, the other moving to cup at the side of his jaw._   
  
_It was slow, careful, tender, and loving, Gavin’s farewell to his friend. He pulled back, unable to help the beaming smile he had going from ear to ear._   
  
_“I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.” Gavin admitted, blushing slightly._   
  
_Michael’s face turned a deep red. “I...I’d be fucking lying if I said I didn’t feel the same.” They stood a moment, basking in this newfound feeling, before reality struck Michael hard._   
  
_“Wait, Gav...what-” he started before Gavin hushed him, hugging him once more._   
  
_“I know what you’re thinking. Don’t worry yourself over it right now. I know you’re going to be in New Jersey for who knows how bloody long.” He laughed, pulling back and looking his friend once more in the eye. “We don’t have to be anything right now. Don’t worry. If it’s meant to be, fate’s gonna find a way.”_   
  
_Michael smiled, grabbing his bag and chancing one small quick kiss before leaving. “Hope you’re right, Gav.” He rushed down the terminal and to the gate, his family obviously annoyed. He turned back and waved at Gavin, smiling brightly._   
  
_“See you later, my boy.” Gavin whispered to himself, waving back and smiling before turning to leave._

* * *

  
“So you’re really leaving.” It wasn’t a question that came from Michael; it was a realization. He realized that, even though he nearly died, his actions and attitude toward Gavin the past few weeks were blown out of preportion, and his hotheadedness had gotten the best of him even looking at Gavin. And now here he is, leaving, and nothing Michael said changed his mind. It was too late, and he felt all the blood drain from his body as he watched Gavin sigh, giving up, and take his belongings in his hand.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“How long.” Michael wanted to fight, wanted to slap Gavin across his dumb stupid face, push him against the wall, tell him how stupid he is for being an ass when all Gavin did was hoped and prayed and beat himself up for months, struggling with the accident, and secretly dying inside when Michael couldn’t remember him. Tell him how dumb of a move he made to be such a jerk when all Gavin did was give everything to make sure he was okay, to make sure he lived, to do whatever he could to remind him who Gavin was, what he meant to him, and how Michael felt, now more than ever, that he didn’t deserve someone as special as Gavin.  
  
“Dunno.” Their eyes didn’t meet; Gavin desperately wanted to, but Michael wouldn’t even try. He would actively avoid his gaze, turning his head, looking at his feet, his phone, anything but what was right in front of him: the boy who nearly cost him his life, so he gave everything he could to give it back. Life for Gavin the past eight months wasn’t about him, it was about Michael. And Michael couldn’t even look him in the eye to say goodbye. Gavin sighed, gathering his things and began to walk to the boarding terminal. “Keep in touch, yeah?”  
  
“Yeah.” Michael watched the Brit walk farther and farther away, his feet weighted down, unable to move. He watched Gavin go through the gate, disappearing through the door, watching his life walk away, taking the meaning with him.  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin seems to have moved on. Can Michael?

The worn desk had dust all over it. The top of it looked more like the dark grey of the Achievement Hunter shirts than the black it really was. Various items, games, and random junk cluttered the surface. The computer that had been there was hauled away to another part of the office soon after, put to better use than to just sit around. Michael had to walk by that desk every day he walked in to work, had to sit next to it every day he was in that office, and all it did was remind him of what a fucking ass he is.  
  
Some days, it wouldn’t bother him so much. He could just turn his chair a certain direction and forget all about it. Other days, just knowing the desk was there was enough to cause him to snap. He wasn’t so playful in the Let’s Plays anymore, mainly focusing on the actual game and task at hand than dicking off with the guys. Ray would occasionally try to lighten the mood with him, but it was just a band-aid, a temporary fix, and soon after, something would trigger Michael into remembering what had happened, and he would fall back into the defenses of his Rage Quit persona.  
  
The world was grey for Michael. It had lost all color, all feeling, all meaning. The days went by in a blur. If you would ask him what had happened a week, a month ago, he couldn’t tell you. Everything melded into the same big blob of grey, lifeless existence. He spent the nearly two years without Gavin, and it made a lasting impact on his life.  
  
When Gavin first left, Michael blew up the lad’s cell phone, hoping somehow it would go through. It always did, Gavin could attest to that, but Michael never knew, as Gavin would always ignore the calls. Gavin knew that it wasn’t Michael being sincere this early on, that he needed more time. That they both needed more time. Days turned to weeks, which turned to months, and Michael soon tried Skype calling, to no avail. A few messages on Twitter and Facebook again proved fruitless. Every time he’d find no response, he’d remember the last words Gavin said: “Keep in touch, yeah?” Well, he kept his end of the bargain, and felt like a fool for having done so.  
  
A new favorite pastime with the guys of Achievement Hunter was to follow Gavin’s new career on YouTube: He and his friend Dan started a channel, calling themselves The Slow Mo Guys, and as the name suggested, they filmed things in slow motion. Everything from shooting guns underwater to attempting the cinnamon challenge, the guys watched them all the time, Ray or Geoff trying to get Michael to join in. On good days, he’d appease them and watch along, And there would be Gavin, his face beaming, his goofy smile plastered across, hair short, resembling long peach fuzz, and eyes bright, sparkling green. Michael would bite his lip, sometimes to the point of drawing blood, just long enough to make it through a video, and then would leave the office without a word. The guys would collectively look at each other, knowing exactly what garnered the reaction from Michael, knowing that each look at Gavin, each content smile, every genuine laugh, it was just another knife in Michael's heart.  
  
At the most recent outburst, Ray followed him out, finding Michael in the kitchen with a napkin pressed to his face, blood collecting on the white paper.  
  
“That one got you pretty good, huh?” he asked, trying his best to keep the tone light.  
  
“what makes you say that?” Michael replied, a bitter sting in his voice. Ray laughed, more from the awkward atmosphere in the room than from Michael’s sarcasm.  
  
“Look, you know you don’t have to watch Gav’s videos if you’re not up to it.”  
  
“I know, but I can’t let the fucking idiot get to me like this.”Michael dabbed at the bite on the inside of his lip, the blood slowing its flow. “Idiot.”  
  
“Has he talked to you at all?”  
  
“Not a fucking word.”  
  
Ray leaned against the counter next to Michael, unsure of what to say.  
“It’s fine with me. He’s got Dan, I guess, so...” Michael trailed off, walking out of the room. Ray pulled out his phone, getting on Twitter to send a message. 

* * *

  
Gavin’s phone squawked as he stared at his computer. It was nearly midnight there, and his eyes were starting to grow heavy as he stared at the exploding paint vials on the screen. He unlocked it to find a direct message on Twitter, and was not surprised to find it from Ray.  
  
How much longer are we supposed to hold out, man?  
  
Gavin smirked, laughing quietly to himself. He typed in the reply:  
  
Not much longer, mate. Geoff’s pretty much got things handled on his end. Should be there in a few days.  
  
Ten minutes later, another reply.  
  
What do you think Michael’s gonna think?  
  
Hopefully it'll take him by surprise. He's waited long enough, I think it's time to come home. Just don't mention anything, yeah?  
  
A few minutes later, Ray replied for the last time.  
  
Mum’s the word. Good luck.  
  
Gavin sighed. He had no idea if this brilliant idea he and the rest of Achievement Hunter had come up with would actually work. To be honest, it was a bit of an overexaggerated plan, but he and Dan both agreed, if any good came of this, it would benefit the both of them in their small YouTube venture. As for Michael, Gavin knew he had learned his lesson, and he was absolutely aching to see him again.  
  
He’d been watching Achievement Hunter constantly, especially as of late. Every video, Michael seemed irritated, short, and a bit rage-filled. And those were just the Let’s Plays. Every time Gavin heard Michael’s voice, his heart leaped a bit, his stomach turning in that exciting way. The over four thousand mile difference between them was killing Gavin for sure, but hearing the hidden pain in Michael’s voice assured him that his boy felt the same.

* * *

  
A few days later, Ray pulled up a new video Gavin had tweeted. Michael rolled his eyes, turning his chair in the opposite direction. With it being just the two of them in the office, Ray shoved at his shoulder. “Oh, come on Michael.”  
  
“No thanks.” he said simply, no tone of resentment nor anger. He didn’t feel up to looking at that goofy fucking British idiot today, or the other guy, who he was not jealous of one tiny bit. Nope, not a single bit.  
  
Michael tasted blood again, and grabbed a kleenex from his desk.  
  
“You said yourself you weren’t gonna let him get to you.”  
  
“Well he fucking is, okay?” he huffed. “Not like it’s any of your business anyway.”  
  
“Jesus fucking Christ, Michael.” Ray laughed, a bit uneasily. “Trying to show a bit of concern here.”  
  
“And when I fucking tell you no, I probably fucking mean it.” Ray shrugged and turned back to his desk, clicking play on the video.  
  
“Hello guys!” Gavin’s voice rang loud and clear through the computer’s speakers, earning a small sigh from Michael and a small laugh from Ray. “Welcome. We’ve got a bit of news for you guys, right Dan?”  
  
“That’s right, big news.” Dan agreed. Gavin’s smile to the camera was cheeky, knowing. “You wanna tell ‘em?”  
  
“Why not. So, we’ve been running this small little channel on YouTube for the past two years, and I suppose we’ve attracted a bit of attention, isn’t that right?” He looked to Dan.  
  
“Just a smidge, maybe.” Dan joked.  
  
“Little bit.” Gavin looked back at the camera, biting his lip slightly. “And that little bit of attention has lead us to merging with another YouTube partner. Which means, of course, more exiting things in slow motion because we’ll have more resources, and...oh, Dan what am I forgetting?”  
  
“That we’ll be heading to the States to start this partnership?” Dan played up a look for the camera, Gavin smirking a bit.  
  
“Ah, yeah, that’s right. So, we’ll be doing that very shortly. In the meantime, our activity’s gonna wane a bit, but only because we’re a bit busy. But...yeah, exciting news!” Gavin smiled, beaming to camera, and Ray swore he saw a wink for a split second.  
  
“Ooh, hear that Michael-” Ray turned around but found no one else in the room, the office door wide open.  
  
Michael walked far from the office, looking for anywhere at all to go, a ball of emotion deep within him bubbling to the surface. What, he couldn’t put a finger on. Joy? Excitement? Resentment? Anger? Fuck, it was a melting pot, and he tried his best to contain it.  
  
“He didn’t say where the fuck he’s going.” Michael muttered to himself. “Doesn’t mean anything.”  
  
He curled his fist in his hand, clenching and unclenching it, thinking of the words he heard coming from his boy’s mouth, two years back.  
  
I don’t know how many times I can apologize for my mistake before it loses all meaning.  
  
And here he was, all alone, because he couldn’t get over that night. The conflict in his mind made his head pound; Gavin came so close to killing him because of one stupid idea that crossed the Brit’s mind. And yet Michael was the one left behind, because Gavin gave everything to atone for what he’d done. Michael pressed his forehead against the nearest wall, feeling rage and resentment over his own stupid behavior.  
  
“Michael, come on.” Ray leaned against the wall next to him. “It’s a good thing. Gavin’s coming back to the States. He’s gonna be that much closer-”  
  
“He’s not gonna come back here.” Michael interrupted. “The idiot would’ve said if he was. He would’ve wanted me to know.”  
  
“Yeah, true.” Ray lied. “But still, maybe he’ll visit. Maybe he’s ready to see you again.”  
  
“What in the hell makes you say that?” Michael looked up to Ray, doubting his words.  
  
“I don’t know man, call it a gut feeling.” Ray turned, his back against the wall, and looked dead ahead. “That boy loves you.”  
  
“Sure.” Michael said, a bit of skepticism in his tone.  
  
“No, you don’t know what we saw while you were out, man.” Ray laughed, small and earnest. “That boy loves you.”  
  
“What do you mean?” he turned around, looking in the same direction as Ray.  
  
“I mean, fuck, there was hardly a time that we’d visit and he wouldn’t be there. Poor guy didn’t think of himself at all. Would’ve been nice at times, though. Dude need a shower.” Ray’s laugh grew just a bit. “There were times that he didn’t think I saw him, but he’d be holding your hand, telling you stories about the stupidest little fucking things, brushing your hair from your face, the whole fucking nine. And the guy, you could tell, was absolutely heart broken.”  
  
“Really?” Michael looked ahead, gently sucking in his own lip.  
  
“Yeah. It tore the guy up looking at you.”  
  
“Yeah but if he cares about me so fucking much, what’s with this Dan guy?”  
  
Ray raised an eyebrow,  glancing at him from his peripheral. “You’re not jealous of Dan are you?”  
  
It took Michael too long to deny it, earning him a shove from Ray. “Oh, fuck off, Ray.”  
  
“Seriously, you’re jealous! That’s fucking cute.” Ray laughed.  
  
“Fuck off.” Michael tried to sound serious, but it came out in a laugh. The two stood in the hall, laughing, Michael’s laugh sounding just a bit more genuine than it had in a long time.  
  
They both sighed after a moment longer, and Michael looked up at Ray, his face serious. “I fucked up, Ray.”  
  
“We all do, Michael. And believe me, we’ve all been waiting for you to say that.” He pulled the boy in for a hug, patting his back. “Now it’s time for you to fix it.”  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been two years since Michael and Gavin last spoke. What will come of their reunion?

“So, America.” Dan sighed, looking back to Gavin as they came through the terminal gates. Gavin smirked, looking out the wide windows, back out into the Austin skyline, the familiar sight welcoming to him. “Sure you’re ready for this, Gav?”

“Absolutely.” He said without hesitation. It had been two years since he last set foot in Austin, leaving Michael behind, giving both of them a chance to clear their own minds of the mess the prior eight months had been. “It’s been too long.”

He wasn’t left to his thoughts for long, however, as Ray called to them from a distance “Slow Mo Gavino!” And it was a welcome sight for the boy, as if finally coming into contact with Ray after these years cemented in his mind and heart that he was here with his boy once more. The two gripped each others shoulders, as if neither could believe the other was really there. Ray pulled out of the hug, grinning like a fool.

“About fucking time you came back.” He looked over to Dan, standing awkwardly to the side. “Dan.” Ray reached out and shook the man’s hand. “Dan the man.”

“Hello...” was all Dan could say, taken aback by Ray’s enthusiasm.

“Ray’s a tad bit...hyper today.” Gavin laughed.

”I’m just ready for you and Michael to kiss and make the fuck up already.”

As the trio left the airport, heading to Geoff’s house, he told the two of Michael’s constant frustration, growing anger twoard any and everything, even the bloody lip incident watching Gavin’s latest video.

“Wait, so if I get this right: Michael’s jealous of me?” Dan, who had remained quiet for majority of the ride, couldn’t believe what he had heard, and laughed hysterically. “Oh, that’s just brilliant.”

“You’ve got to be bloody kidding.” Gavin laughed.

“What, you guys didn’t plan that?” Ray asked, a bit shocked.

“We weren’t doing a bloody thing to make Michael jealous.” Dan said, still laughing. “But hey, bonus. Maybe he realizes what a bloody mong he was to ya, Gav.”

“With any hope.” Gavin sighed, looking out the car window as they pulled into Geoff’s driveway.

It was a small get together, just the guys of Achievement Hunter, minus Michael, and Geoff’s wife Griffon. Just enough of a party to welcome the two; Dan to America, and Gavin home. A few drinks were had amongst the crew, laughing and joking and talking shit. Gavin pulled Geoff aside later that night, needing to know about Michael, taking no more of his nagging thoughts.

“So, how’s he doing?”

“He’s a pissy little bitch, to be honest.” Geoff chuckled. “Been that way since you left.”

“I’ve been watching the Let’s Plays. He’s gotten pretty angry, hasn’t he?”

“I think he’s just beating himself up for making you leave.”

“He didn’t make me leave, you know.” Gavin took a sip of beer, peering out into the other room, watching his friend blending into the group like he belonged, and smiled. “I needed the space.”

“And he needed the space to realize the good thing he had before he fucked it up.”

“You really think he’s ready?” Gavin asked, his nerves bundling in a tight coil in the pit of his stomach.

“Fuck, I think he was ready the second you left, but that’s just me.” The man turned and looked at the nervous Brit. “Look, you two have this thing no one understands. You’ve gone back years before any of us knew him. The best way to gauge this for yourself is to just try. And I think he’ll take you back.”

Gavin sighed, finishing off the beer and turning to walk back into the party. “I certainly hope you’re right.”

* * *

 

“Why in the fuck am I even here?”

“Because you haven’t done shit with any of us in months, so suck it up.”

Michael glared at Geoff, downing a shot and sighing, eyes tightly shut from the sour of the alcohol. “What the fuck is this party even for?”

“New guys. Weren’t you here when Burnie made the announcement?”

“When did Burnie make an announcement?” Michael looked to Geoff, then to Jack and Ray around him, all three laughing as the lad desperately tried to remember.

“Come on, Michael, the amnesia shit’s getting old.” Jack dug at Michael, who returned the favor with a punch to his arm.

“I’m fucking serious, dude. Fuck it, whatever.” He reached out and poured another shot, taking it in one quick breath. “So who’s the fucking new guys?”

“Just some guys to help out with a concept Burnie and Joel came up with.” Geoff looked over to Ray, who was preoccupied with his cellphone, texting Gavin from across the building.

_Holding up okay?_

Gavin read the text and looked over to Dan, laughing nervously.

“How much longer are we supposed to wait across the bloody building?” Dan sighed, sitting in the Achievement Hunter office. “They’ve got a bloody party going, for us, and we’re not allowed in the thing.”

Gavin kicked Dan’s chair, shoving it across the small room. “Wait a bit longer, you mong. Gotta get this timing down or else...bloody hell, I don’t even know. I’m so damn nervous.”

“Would you bloody take a damn shot and calm yourself down already?” Dan nudged his head to Gavin’s old desk and to the bottle sitting there, but Gavin refused.

“I don’t wanna drink, not tonight. It’s too important.” he stood up, finishing the reply to Ray. “If I’m gonna get back with Michael, I’d prefer to remember the occasion.”

“Suit yourself.” Dan took a quick drink and stood up next to Gavin. “Ray say how much longer yet? I’m getting bored as bloody fuck waiting.”

_Dan’s getting minged off waiting. I’m fine. How much longer?_

Ray looked up to Geoff, silently asking, as Geoff handed another shot to Michael, who took it without question. “Eh, ten give or take.”

“Ten what are you talking about?” Michael asked, his cheeks becoming flushed from the rush of alcohol in his body.

“How many shots I think you fucking need before you’re not a fucking asshole.” Geoff laughed, taking one of his own. Ray excused himself, making his way through the crowd of Rooster Teeth employees all gathered in the warehouse, and entered the Achievement Hunter office.

“Thought I’d keep you guys some company, since Dan the Man here’s getting impatient.”

“I don’t see why I had to wait with Gavin.” Dan, once again seated in the chair, spun around out of desperate boredom.

“Because Michael knows you from the videos, you dumb. If he sees you, he’ll think I’m here, andI don’t want him to know that until I’m right bloody there in his face.” Gavin shoved the Brit aside and into Michael’s desk, Dan squealing from the sharp pain to his ribs.

“Michael’s getting pretty bevved up, as you’d say.” Ray sat at his own desk, looking over at Gavin. “He’s had probably 5 or 6 already. Should be safe in a few minutes.”

Gavin sighed, running his hands through his hair. “Do you think he’s gonna be mad seeing me?”

“Why the fuck should he? He was the fucking asshole who couldn’t see a good thing when he had it. But you came back because, well I don’t know the whole fucking story, but you fucking love him and that’s what matters, and he shouldn’t be fucking mad, no.” Ray rambled, leaning back in his chair.

“So, think it’s a good time?” Dan hopped up at Gavin’s words, walking through the door.

“It better be, because I’m not waiting around in this damn room another bloody minute.”

* * *

Music pumped through the warehouse. The floor had been cleared through half of the room, allowing for dancing. Michael was never one for dancing, but the alcohol in his system made him want to move, if even out of nervousness for even being there. He hadn’t been social since Gavin left two years prior, losing all motivation to be any sort of extrovert. The music was loud, meaningless to Michael’s ears, but it helped him all the more to ignore everyone and everything, just losing himself to it. Every thought and every frustration he had built up, he tried his best to let it go.

Maybe it was the alcohol flowing through him, but he swore that night he saw Gavin. First walking around the edge of the crowd, warily watching him, eyes shining even in the dim light. No, it couldn’t be him, he thought, and brushed it off. Then he saw him again, once more near the edge, watching, and Michael considered confronting the apparition, but again, brushed it off, blaming his current state for playing tricks on his mind.

It wasn’t until a pair of arms wrapped around his torso from behind that his suspicions were confirmed.

“Gavin.” The word fell from his mouth, not a question, because he already knew the answer.

“Hi, Michael.”

“Gavin.” Michael’s voice grew tense, guarded, as his body became more rigid. Gavin spun the boy around in his arms, facing him eye-to-eye.

“Michael.” He smiled brightly, the same smile that mocked the boy through the videos over the course of their separation.

“What...in the fuck...you fucking moron.” the words meant to come out stronger, harsher, but only came as a whisper, a sound of disbelief as Michael looked over the boy, still unsure that what he was seeing with his own eyes was really there.

“Quite a surprise, huh?” Gavin laughed, holding the other’s hands in his. “We’re the new guys, Dan and I.”

“Dan’s here?” Michael ripped his hands away, backing from the boy at the mention of his name.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Michael, it’s not like that, you doughnut.” he pulled at his hands, pulling him back, and Michael gave easily. “Dan’s my mate, yeah, but we’re not like that. Not by a bloody long shot.”

Michael’s defenses fell at his words. “But I thought-”

“Whatever you thought, you thought wrong, you mong.” Gavin laughed.

“Really?”

“Of course not. It was you, Michael. Always has been, from the bloody day we met.” It was Gavin’s turn to look away, silently wishing he had at least one drink in his system. His nerves were too shot for anything like this. “And definitely from that day at the airport. I knew we weren’t saying goodbye, Michael. Not then, not two bloody years ago. You and I, we’re tied together.” He looked the boy in the eyes once more, Michael standing in shock. Gavin’s hand reached up to trace along the left side of his face, where the scar left its mark, cementing the tragedy. “This? It’s just a reminder of things we’ve been through. We both made it, and you remembered me when everyone else thought otherwise. You have your mark, and I have mine. And every day I looked at it over there, it just reminded me what I was doing this for.”

“What you were doing what for...?” Michael asked, unsure of where Gavin was going.

“I never intended on staying there, Michael. The minute I landed, I thought of the day I’d be coming back home. But you needed your space, you bloody idiot. You get angry, and yeah that’s your thing, but I knew if I backed away, it’d knock some sense into your thick skull.”

“So this whole video thing you set up with Dan..”

“It’s a real thing, yeah, and I’m gonna continue on with it, but..” he laughed slightly, his own plan giving him a bit of pride. “For the past year, Geoff and I had been working back and forth on merging The Slow Mo Guys with Rooster Teeth just so I could come back.”

“You didn’t have to fucking do that.” Michael laughed. He looked to his surroundings, noticing everyone’s eyes suddenly on them.

“Well, I wanted to. Now I’ve got this bloody great thing going, and now I’m back here with you...if you’ll have me back.” Gavin looked the boy in the eye, biting his lip in anticipation.

“You fucking moron.” and that was all it took for Gavin as he pressed his lips to Michael’s, sighing with relief. Michael couldn’t keep from smiling into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Gavin and pulling him closer. The sounds of people around the room, clapping and catcalling, Ray’s “about fucking time!” climbing above the others, faded to the background as Gavin cupped the boy’s jaw, his tongue tracing along his lips, and being granted instantaneously.

It felt every bit as wonderful as Gavin had hoped. The taste of alcohol only adding in cementing the fact that he was here, back in Austin, with Michael, and that this wasn’t yet another dream. It was every bit as real and unbelievable as Michael could imagine, holding Gavin here with him after fearing he’d lost him forever, fearing his rage and anger at the accident and at his injury had forever left a scar far worse than the one tracing the side of his face. But to have Gavin here again in his arms, left a pit of warmth in his heart, filling the gaping hole that he’d left when he boarded that plane two years ago.

“Okay, okay, you’re back and everything’s happy and sunshine and rainbows, but could we please take it away from the floor?” Ray butted in, joking and smiling.

“Oh buzz off, you knob.” Gavin shoved him away, kissing Michael lightly once more before holding his hand and leading him to the edge of the room.

“So you planned this whole damn thing just to come back?”

“I’m a bit dramatic, I suppose.” He grinned, the light, joy-filled, earnest grin that Michael hadn’t seen in years.

“Well if stupid shit like this gets that kinda smile outta you, keep fucking doing it.” Michael squeezed Gavin’s hand. They were almost to a small table when Gavin grabbed the boy by the waist once more, pulling him close to whisper in his ear.

“I love you, Michael. It was bloody awful without you.”

Michael laughed quietly, smiling. “I love you too, Gavin. And it sucked dicks without you.”

“Not in the good way, I’d hope?” Gavin joked, earning a shove from Michael. “Just joking, love.”

“Gavin?”

“Yes, Michael?”

Michael turned and kissed him once more, resting his forehead on Gavin’s. “I need you. I needed you the whole time you were gone. I needed you when I didn’t even know you. I desperately need you.”

“I need you too, Michael. And you’re never getting rid of me, so I hope you can handle that.”

Michael looked him in the eyes once more. “I think I can manage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG....it's over. Holy crap, it's over. My baby's all grown up. D:  
> Thank you so much everyone. I never expected this to go as huge as it did! Thanks to my beta/team mate aiienzo for your help in the later chapters.  
> I'm working on more things, so be looking for them! Thank you all so much again! I truly appreciate it!


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